Inside the Soul of QueenJoya

Smile

2006-04-06T13:59:00.000-07:00

Bye Bye Blogger it's been fun! I've moved on over to typepad and I love it! here is the link for the new blog Inside the Soul of QueenJoya. See you guys over there!

Smile

reasons to smile are all different...

babies make me smile

rain makes me smile

macaroni and cheese make me smile

he makes me smile

she makes me laugh out loud

remembering U make me smile

forgetting that makes me smile real hard

these are just a few of my smiles and for different people there's a different reason

no matter what the reason is, keep in the back of your mind that a quick smile can soften the hardest of hearts and give ugly situations beautiful outcomes.

"SMILE IT INCREASES YOUR FACE VALUE"

It's a Girl!!!!!!!!!!

2006-04-04T20:26:00.000-07:00

Meet Japan Miracle

Ok I am so excited! Today I would like to take the opportunity to welcome my new baby niece into the world! She was born April 4th at 2:30 am this morning... Of course they called me this evening because they knew I would be trying to run to Texas! Anyway I am the proud auntee of Ms. Japan Miracle Jordan (when my sister told me she named the baby Japan I laughed out of control). I will call her Miracle, I once said if I ever had another baby and it was a girl her name would be Destiney Miracle. Miracle weighs 6lbs and 2ozs and she is so beautiful! Here are her pictures!

Stacey and Miracle Only God knows why my baby sister named our precious bundle of joy Japan.God is so wonderful and So Awesome I can't control my tears...Do know that I will be taking a weekend trip to Texas very soon. Thank you Lord for our Miracle. I'm overwhelmed right now I will blog more tomorrow.

Goodnight

You gotta have a plan

2006-04-04T09:12:00.000-07:00

"By failing to plan, you are planning to fail."Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790) This statement has weighed heavy on me for sometime now and it is very relevant to the dilemma I've been going through. So the way I see it, NOW is the time to plan, and these days I'm planning so much from the simple menu to keep our grocery bill down to planning a wedding on a budget. *sidebar* Brides to be please don't buy these books out here that boasts they can make your planning easy and you can do it on a budget! It's a bunch of Bull! It's not easy but it's fun and we have a $5000 dollar budget and LAWD if it isn't killing me trying to stick to it! Anyway back to what I was saying.... Plan according to Websters A scheme, program, or method worked out beforehand for the accomplishment of an objective: a plan of attack. A proposed or tentative project or course of action. A systematic arrangement of elements or important parts; a configuration or outline: a seating plan; the plan of a story. For many years I have done things without planning and more times than I would like to admit the things I was trying to accomplished failed. Now I understand why my Pastor would drill me so hard when I would come up with ideas for lessons, activites and programs for the teenagers. He always wanted me to put it in writing and plan out everything down to the smallest detail, of course being A.D.D. I hated that. I had no time to sit still and write stuff down, we had some of the biggest blow outs because I hated to plan, but things change. Thank God! Over the next few weeks I will entrenched in planning! EVERYTHING! So look out! Sticky notes and notepads everywhere! I'm excited and I wanted to share my excitement with the world! I have nothing special to say but just don't forget to plan people it can be your best friend. Things go alot smoother when things are well planned and organized! Now I need to get the organization bug I am getting better but haven't arrived.

May the Lord Keep Watch...

2006-04-03T13:05:00.000-07:00

"May the Lord keep watch between me and thee while we're apart one from another" On March 26th, 2006 My eldest son, My Buddy decided that he was an adult and he could survive on his own and he came to this decision by disrespecting me and not doing what I asked him to do. You see in my house, I provide shelter water electricity gas food clothing aka all of your needs. Now on occassion I have been known to provide several of the folks who reside in my home aka my children, some of their wants based on things like...grades, behavior, and completion of assigned chores. They can even earn extra points on occasion for completing assigned tasks without me telling them to. Now when you get to grown for me to tell you what it is you need to be doing, and when you are to grown to call me and tell me where you will be after school or better yet to grown to come home when I specifically asked you to come home and help with something! then you simply need to be on your own! Plan and simple. I miss my son I love my son I will never stop praying for my son My son is about to learn some hard life lessons. One thing I have learned the hard way is you have to let the young people in your life whom you love and want to protect from the world MAKE MISTAKES. They need to MAKE MISTAKES as hard as it is to watch them make sometimes the same mistakes you made we have to let them. So my son please know that your mother is praying for you and I don't regret hitting you with the baseball bat and if you ever gain enough courage to disrespect me again do know I will beat you from within an inch of your life. That is not a threat it's a promise! I know you read my blog so know that I am thinking about you, I will always be your big momma but you will NEVER reside in my home again but if you need help getting to where you need to be, you know how to get at me. I love you Big Boi YaY!

Can I just tell you.....

2006-03-16T09:46:00.000-08:00

Can I just tell you that I love my momma Deborah...Because I do. That lady will stop at nothing for her daughter...did you know that? She called me this morning and that one phone call reminded me of the importance of true friends/sisters/mothers! I know ya wondering what I'm talking about and that's ok, just know she has never let me down! And to all the haters who were trying to talk down about her and tried to get me to turn against her...her actions made me glad I cussed you OUT and will gladly do it again. I love you momma Deborah

Your seat is Secured...Random Thoughts

2006-03-10T08:59:00.000-08:00

Random thought #1 Today is Friday what a pretty day outside....today is Friday Thank You Lord for Fridays. Random thought #2 Why aren't we true to who we are? All Holy and pure on the outside but screwed up on the inside? I mean who are we actually trying to impress? I know we're suppose to assume the upright & holy position but who are we kidding? You can't get any more saved than what you already are! Now to live a life pure and true you must be true to God and yourself, you know what you were like before you got saved, some of us still are like that because it's a purging process. God and only God can rid us of all those bad habits, hangups & baggage we carried with us onboard the Heaven HelpUs Express. So why then do we pretend to have it all together? We know we don't who are we fooling? God? Satan? Ourselves? or the people who look up to us? We're only fooling ourselves because it's only a matter of time before the people we look up to see us for who we are...People with flaws. God knows us! clue: He made US! Satan...hmmm one thing I learned about him is he only messes with folks who are serving God, so if things are smooth sailing and their aren't any turbuliants, bumps, side tracks, and attacks check who ya serving. Ourselves...the mind is a powerful thing it can decide that we are the best thing since candy bars! and We actually believe just that. There's a battle going on right now in our minds ( the earthly realm is at war with the spiritual realm), we must arm ourselves with the word of God we are not the best thing since candy bars! We are humans with flaws and we need direction and inorder for us to win this we must be on the right side of the battle line. Which side are you on? Remember we can't straddle the line, and the battle has already been won! Random thought #3 Why do we surpress the freak in us? Cause we think God is gonna strike us down that's why! Random thought #4 *sigh* What I wouldn't do for some seafood from Cajun's on Broad and Washington in New Orleans....Oh and don't forget about the ice cold Hawaiin punch! (Yall thought I was gonna say beer) Random thought #5 You think if I went in there and smacked applehead God would kick me off the Holy Plane to Heaven...is my seat really that secure? LOL Random thought #6 How did I raise such an ungrateful child? Does the fact that he's not my biological child has anything to do with it? He is so much like his mother until it is scary...I mean I did impart some good things into him but he is definitely HER child. Why does that break my heart so? Random thought #7 Why does my mother think that we (me Larry and Jason) are her personal ATM's? I wonder will she ever see the damage she has done to all three of us? Brother #1 lives like an only child, Brother #2 took to the road driving trucks so he could get away and that leaves me the life line. The "good daughter". *Sigh... Random thought #8 Why did my daddy have to die so young? He had his faults but he was my daddy and I miss him, and people who take their relationships with their father's for granted make my head hurt. Call ya daddy and tell him ya love him! If he was a monster then turn that over to God and don't allow resentment to eat you alive but if you had a good daddy...don't take em for granted they won't always be here. Random thought #9 Why when I wrote random though #8 did I start crying? Random thought #10 Are these thought even random? I mean I'm numbering them for crying out loud! Random thought #11 I love Laneecha and Jeffery SO MUCH! Man those two kids are the core of who I am each one of them possess everything about me that is Good, but being human they will also inherit some of the bad. Pray for them. Random thought #12 I hope people didn't read that last thought and think well she didn't mention Jon...I love him more than anyone will ever know, it's just sometimes I don't like him. Today is one of those days. Random thought #13 On December 17th, 2006 at 3 O'clock in the afternoon before God, Family and Friends I will become one with my soulmate. I love you *muah* Random thought #14 That white gurl that hit me from behind the other night is gonna pay for our Honeymoon! Lmaoooooo! Why do people drive if they are afraid too? And why when you get in an accident, the passenger always point out everything you did wrong and everything you need to do? He fussed at that white gurl so much the other night he made ME tell him shut up! He was giving me a damn headache! The damage was done all you can do is apologize pay for the damage and learn from your mistake. Random thought #15 Do people even read this thing? Random thought #16 My wedding dress is so beautiful! *smiling real hard* Why are photographers so expensive? Is there anybody out there who can snap some good pictures at my wedding and we pay you a couple of hundred dollars? You get to eat drink dance and be merry just as long as you snap the pictures we want! Randome thought #17 I am so sleepy...and I need to get my feet done, and why does my foot still hurt? You have just stepped inside the mind of AnGeL wItH a BrOkEn wInG have a blessed weekend

My foot hurts

2006-03-07T10:42:00.000-08:00

Today my foot hurts like hell. This morning I rush out to my car as I normally do, only to jump in and see my gas tank sitting on EMPTY. Now people my biggest fear in the world is breaking down on the road, so there is no way in Hell I would allow my car to reach empty. Be that as it may, I cranked big blue up and she pulled right out the driveway, and up the street I go only to stop dead in front of my neighbors driveway blocking in both their cars. Her ass wouldn't start! I had to put her in reverse and push that heavy hunk of junk back to my drive. My drive has a really small incline and on the incline i pushed her she jecked back and I twisted my freaking ankle. I was on my way to work that is why I had on heels. I get in my car and look down, what did I see Jonathan's mp3 player still hooked in. That young man has apparently been driving my car this weekend while I was in the rental car on the road. He left it on empty not a drop of gas in it and of course he's gonna swear up and down he wasn't in my car so before he has an opportunity to open his mouth I'm hitting him with my bat! I had to wait for my momma to come way cross town to bring me to work I was 30 minutes late and in a foul mood. How come the only person who can tell I'm in a foul mood is my boss? Why did my supervisor come messing with me this morning? Why did I snap on her so Hard that she flew back in her cubby? My foot hurts. I miss my friends I want to plan a party I want to hang out with my girls I want to sip and laugh and dance and eat with the rest of the Sky Girls! We would meet once a month for our meeting and birthday celebrations but we got together all the time. I miss Momma Deborah I miss my sisters I miss my brothers. My damn foot hurts. Some pink heffa hit my car the other night well the rental I was driving. My head has not stopped hurting, along with my neck and shoulder. I want to go to a basketball game on the park and watch the bruhs battle it out and listen to that one tomboy chick cuss them bruhs out and watch her out dunk all of em. I wanna listen some senseless meaningless New Orleans Bounce music and eat me a fat juicy snowball. I wanna put on my headphones (which I evacuated with) and walk around St. Roch Park til I'm sweaty...how do u get that damn sweaty at 6 in the am? I wanna go to Jesseca and let her style my hair in my favorite hair style...That child has been in my head since she was 12 years old that girl is talented with her confussed self. I miss margarita night I want me a good old Crown Royal Saturday. Remember my living room? Exactly I didn't have one I converted my living room into my bedroom so the girls could have their own room. But I do remember nights on the white leather before I got rid of it. Aretha Franklin, Maze, Hennessy...Pricesless. I know I talk about the stuff I miss often but I miss New Orleans and life in New Orleans although I was slated to relocate and had no plans of returning I still miss it, even though I currently have no plans of ever residing in that gawd awful city I still miss it. *sigh* Where is all the big mommas when you need em? I am planning my wedding and reception, I did this to make extra money in New Orleans why can't I get it together for myself? You know why cause I'm a stranger in a foreign land. Today I'll count my blessings and Thank God continuously for answered prayers. I prayed for a change and that is exactly what I got and even though I miss my family and friends I am EXTREMELY Greatful for answered Prayers! Ok my foot still hurts and I don't want to talk to yall anymore so bye.

Mental Block

2006-03-06T11:42:00.000-08:00

Lately I have battling a mental block...some refer to it as writer's block. It's gotten so bad that I only write in my journal may 3 times per week. I guess I'm still disappointed about my previous journal. I mean the floods came through, the journal survived, I had it in my hand put it down to get something else forgot to pick it back up, and when I returned on another trip to redeem and salvage my personal belongings it was gone. Why would someone want my journal. I mean those were my personal thoughts and seeds God planted in me. That journal held my personal battles with my demons in it. Why would someone want that? I'm not running for government so you can't blackmail me. My future husband knows all my dirty dark little secrets so you can't use it on me there. I just don't understand what happened. Anyway I'm all blocked up right now and I guess it comes from all of the different things going on in my life right now. Nothing bad all good things, everyday my life is undergoing a change. I got into a car accident last night...they messed the car I was driving, it rendered me dizzy and I have had a headache all last night and I still have it, I've taken at least 10 advil since last night popping them three at a time so when I sign off its off to the doctor I go. Ohhhhhh I admitted to myself that I am in love with food! It's a wonderful love affair that I'm putting into perspective and in doing that I will be able to beat this weight thing. Dammit I love cornbread and mustard greens and fried chicken and gumbo and fried catfish and barbecued anything! As a matter of fact I'm serving mustard greens and cornbread today with fried catfish. Yes I am still on weight watchers I gained 4.8 pounds last week so I was kinda disappointed but I hadn't exercised any...Just too tired. Anyway this is a new week and I am back on track and I am eating my down home meal but just in moderation. Small portions and I'm satisfied. I am on my way to becoming a home owner in Alabama... I am on my way to becoming a wife in Alabama... I am on my way to becoming a student at the University of Alabama... I am on my way to becoming a full resident of the State of Alabama...WOW Anyway just rambling because I haven't posted in a few days. I hope you all enjoyed your weekend. I am bored outta my mind at work! Anyway I have a headache so bye *waving*

Progress

2006-02-28T07:15:00.000-08:00

Happy Mardi Gras, It's a pagan celebration haven't taken part in it for 10 years until last year when I took my now 11 year old daughter to her first Mardi Gras parade ever. Of course it was the ZULU parade. One of the most prominent African American Social and Pleasure club. My grandmother has been a member for years so we had to take part in the festivities that led up to Mardi Gras day and we also had the pleasure of riding on the floats in the Zulu parade. I know that parade route like the back of my hand and even though I complained about being up at 2 in the morning getting that black make-up smeared on my face and wearing those ridiculously ugly costumes, truth be told I loved it! And when I logged on to the wwl tv website and took a look at the Zulu Parade route tears came to my eyes. Because it just confirmed in my heart that there is no progress. Sure it started where it normally starts on Jackson and Claiborne but this year it will be ending on Basin and Canal. What about the parade up Canal street to the hood? What about under the bridge? What about the parade up Orleans street I mean I don't celebrate but when I did baby that was a hell of a party! I lived on N. Miro and Orleans I gave a block party every year I lived there, one of the best parties and I'm not tootin my own horn...well yes I am. Anyway I stopped celebrating because of religious beliefs and the only reason we went to Zulu last year is because Jonathan's Band was the band infront of the Queen of Zulu which a high honor for a high school band to score that spot. Those spots normally go the college bands! After looking at the parade route there is no progress, what ever is happening it's because of die hard locals like Cliff who are down there and refusing to let black New Orleans die without a fight. I want to fight but I'm tired and I must admit I've gotten rather comfortable here in Alabama...not saying this will be home forever but I do know I will never leave in the city under the sea again but I'm praying that it progress'. I wonder if the Mardi Gras Indians are parading thru the hood as they do every year. Each tribed start in there respective neighborhoods and ramble thru the streets chanting and dancing and making noise! My daddy was a Mardi Gras indian so momma drug us all ova the city following that maddness. When God came into my life I had no problems leaving that madness behind. But it is still a part of the me you see today and It saddens me that the city is only up and running in "certain sections".

Live to Give

2006-02-24T12:37:00.000-08:00

Principle 6 Joel Osteen Your Best Life Now "But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness. Hebrews 3:13" Live to give... Don't live a SELF-CENTERED LIFE. You have so much to give, so much to offer. When you cent4er your life around yourself, not only do you miss out on GOd's best, but you rob other people of the joy and blessings that God wants to give them through you. It's easy to criticize and condemn, to point out everyone's flaws and failures. But GOd wants us to build people up, to be a blessing, speaking words of faith and victory into their lives. How long does it take to give somebody a compliment? This is where Joel leaves off... I am infamous for being a self centered person! God has dealt with me on so many levels...even right now! I'm talking about me but it's all about God, so forgive me Father for all the times I've taken the focus off of You and placed it solely on me. Forgive me for all the times I've taken credit for your work and basically stole GLory due to you not me. In the day and time we're living in God is admonishing us to Give of ourselves, call a friend let them know you're thinking about them. Say a prayer for the person God put on your mind today...I whole heartly believe when a person just pops into our mind that's Gods way of saying pray for my son/daughter, give them a call encourage them tell them I the Father loves them. Tell them that you my child loves them as well. When we take self off the throne and place God back on HIS throne (our hearts) we are allowing Him to do His job ultimately taking the attention off of self and putting it back on God...nobody can do a better job at handling our affairs than God! If God was a rapper I could here Him Saying "I betcha can't do it like me... Nope!" Don't hate yall know that was funny! God has a sense of humor or He wouldn't have blessed us with laughter. Anyway we were created to Give God Glory and when we live to give we Glorify and Please our Heavenly Father. This has been an AnGeL wItH a BrOkEn wInG moment. Be blessed and know that I am praying for you.

I love my new digital camera

2006-02-22T20:53:00.000-08:00

Below are pictures I was suppose to post weeks ago. Bad Neecha! My oldest son Jon...throwing up his New Orleans sign but I cut it off. Jeff NeeNee and Momma during our visit back to New Orleans we were actually getting ready to leave. Mr. & Mrs. Long before we hit the club The diva before she went to club Platinum This is my tattoo its been modified its the Love Kanji with a twist...the words at the bottom says Lamar in case you didnt understand it. That tattoo was perfect for me because the bottom looks like an L and we simply added the amar and a little red heart. The symbols mean Love...Lamar is my Love. I know yall see my bling bling. Don't Hate! Big Neecha and Little Neecha after her concert. She was off the chain. That's me and my momma when I went home to New Orleans two weeks ago and after looking at these pictures I decided to do Weight Watchers. Lamar and NeeNee after her concert she sang so beautifully! Ok that's it for a while no more pictures until I drop this weight.

A nothing much to say post

2006-02-22T20:28:00.000-08:00

Ohhhh that new Busta Rhymes song is the bomb! I get all crunked up when I'm doing that silly walk away the pounds dvd. It makes me want to pop lock! Remember that? These days I am very excited I have alot going on in my life right now and I know I won't always be on this cloud 9 but it sure feels good so I'm going to enjoy it. A few things I've observed Ummmm Rap music has gone to shit (excuse my language) Bounce music has gone to shit and hell in a hand barrell WTF is snap music? To me its music for retarded children and guess what? I betcha can't do it like me! (I like some of it) Now a days we're glorifying stippers...I've heard more stripper songs and since I got rid of satellite I've seen more stripper videos than I care to see. I really don't like BET. In the days of Donnie Simpson it was off the chain! Bring back Donnie and real music and real music videos. Neecha's all time favorite song...I'm in love with a stripper! You think if I went into my lab late tomorrow night and secretly eliminated BET would the economy crash? Do you think children would learn to develop their own identities and personalities and stop trying to be like the crappers and video hoes? That settles it BET is on my hit list don't be surprised if you wake up in the morning and BET is replaced by quality programing. Hell the cartoons would be better than that! I see Snoop not giving it up no time soon, he will literally be on a walker talking bout bitches hoes money and weed....oh and don't forget about his niggas in jail. One Love. Everyone who knows me knows that I'm in love with the Boondocks have been since they first hit print back in 98...even followed em when they were featured on Black Planet. By far the most memorable line quote or theory had to be the other night was "anything that doesn't connect to a printer is dumb nigga technology" and when I stop laughing I'll elaborte. Dumb Nigga technology...two way pagers ya using ya thumbs when it's easier to just dial the number not to mention cheaper and more personable. Dumb Nigga technology. Nuff Said. Truth be told I'm tired of talking and making nice with pink people, tomorrow Imma be my mean old ignant self. I got DSL today still won't be logging on from home much. Why you ask? I just have better things to do. I was once addicted to the internet and chatting and chatrooms and since God has released me from that I just don't care to go back into bondage. I know i have ADD never been diagnoised officially but the signs are all there and anytime I can sit in front the computer six hours straight holding two chat room conversations and 9 yahoo messenger conversations all at one time...Yeah I was addicted. Anyway I am going to bed I'm sleepy and I don't have much to say.

Feels like home

2006-02-21T10:35:00.000-08:00

Sunday momma cooked dinner it was also Jeffery's 14th birthday...damn I'm getting old. Sunday dinner Cornbread dressing Turkey Rice and gravey Green Peas Potato Salad Green Salad Baked Macaroni and Cheese Whew....I didn't eat mine Sunday but dammit I tryed this morning. I got sick Weight Watchers has ruined me on mommas home cooking, but if u think about it It was mommas home cooking that has required me needing Weight Watchers in the first place. Anyway it felt like home for a few minutes I was back in New Orleans enjoying momma's food after church on Sunday.

Today's Pet Peeve

2006-02-16T14:24:00.000-08:00

DOUBLE TALK Your mouth says one thing but your heart and your actions says something else. Stop it! Think about what you're saying then sit back and watch your actions, they're not matching up. Late at night when the world is still listen to your heart. You'll even see the contradictions. Double damn...I even double talk I mean I'm a christian and wrapped in this flesh and I contradict myself all the time and it ticks me off. But I watch what I say OUT LOUD to the best of my abilty. I said it before and I'll say it again, you can't take it back once u release it from your mouth. If your mouth is saying one thing and your actions are saying something else, your heart is the one fueling the actions, than you're guilty of this crime. And everyone can see it, and you know what? They're laughing at you. Ok I think I'll shut my trap and I'll blog back tomorrow! I'm spending the evening with my Lamar...*smiling real hard*

Your Best Life Now * Joel Osteen

2006-02-16T13:00:00.000-08:00

Is Joel Osteen not the coolest Man of God? He is refreshing and calming and simple. He believes in the message God has given him and after only hearing him speak one time, I was hooked! I just brought his book You Best Life Now, and the theory is to live your best life now according to God. He's broken it down into 7 principles of acheiving this Best Life. IT's a work penned straight from God's desk! This man has truely allowed God to use him in a mighty way with this message. I could give my own sermons and bible studys based on each priniciple but it is not time for that. God has a different message for me, but back to Joel. The Prinicple that has most affected me is... Principle #6 Live to Give Wow, Live to give, in this world people are so self centered and motivated by greed they only do things based on what's in it for them. I can't sit here and play Ms High and Mighty, I'm guilty I have to catch myself sometimes and remind myself that I am here to serve and to serve is to give of one's self. Jesus, for example lived to give. HE gave HIs life for us, He could have come down off that cross and saved himself. He didn't instead His last words were for us another selfless act..."Forgive them father for they know not what they do" then he GAVE up the ghost (He died for people who don't know what give up the ghost means). I have the Your Best Life Now Calendar on my desk and each day it focus' on a principle it has a scripture and a course of action that should be taken to exercise this principle. Well today is Thursday Feb. 16th, why when I got back from lunch someone had torn today's page off and it's on Friday's So instead of getting mad because somebody messed with my stuff I will share this principle and message with the world! But as you excel in everything-in faith, in speech, in knowledge, in complete earnestness and in your love for us-see that you also excel in this grace of giving. 2Corinthians 8:7 It then goes on to say. Somebody needs your hug today. Somebody needs your love. Somebody needs to feel your touch. You may not realize it, there is healing in your hands. There is healing in your voice. God wants to use you to bring hope, healing, and love, and victory to people wherever you go. Take your mind off your own needs, and seek to be a blessing to other people. God will do more for you than you could even ask or think. Joel Osteen My question today is how have you been a blessing to someone else today? Did you give of yourself or were you self absorbed? Peace and Blessings QueenJoya

She get it from her Momma

2006-02-16T11:54:00.000-08:00

Ok so today on my lunch hour I had to go to Nina's school to have her re admitted into school *Gasp* The lil gurl got suspended for assault! Can u believe it my precious darling lil angel SupaStar got suspended for assault. Ok let me tell u why. You know us folk from New Orleans are very friendly loving people...that's my baby, everybody is her friend until u tick her off no less. This little pink boy stomped on her foot and started laughing, well Nina being part Neecha and part Chris slapped the PISS outta that child. Ohhhhhhh Lawd she hit him so hard, so the teacher not seeing the incident only witnessed this little pink person crying bloody murder asked him what happened and based on that she was suspended. To make a long story short when I was done with the cocky negro and fathead assistant principle the little pink boy is now serving three days at home with his mommy. All I can say is she get it from her momma because even if he hadn't laughed and had said excuse I would have slapped the PISS outta him. I also reminded her of my rule at school. "If someone does you something tell the teacher if the teacher does that child nothing then u Whoop that Trick!"

Neecha SO selfish moment #1

2006-02-16T08:46:00.000-08:00

Yes I am having a very selfish moment...some say it's not I'm only human. I want my brothers! I miss my brothers so so much until it hurts from the inside out. I want to argue with Larry and then hug and make up. I want Jason to drive me to work and take my car while I am on desk lock down. I want Freddie to threaten to beat somebody if they ever hurt his little sister. I want Andre to follow my directions when I'm trying to teach him to do the bus stop dance. For a day I wish all of them were here, at one time. We could hang out in my yard and grill. Freddie and Larry can smoke some bud with momma, and crack jokes. Jason would be playing ball or the PS2 with Lamar, Jeffery and Jon. And me and Nina would be trying to teach Andre how to do the Bus Stop or the Bunny Hop or some other dance...that's my brother who really can't dance. Just having a selfish moment. I feel like crying but I won't because if they were here and saw me crying they would probably tease after they've managed to get me to stop.

Ghetto Love entry #24

2006-02-16T07:28:00.000-08:00

Remember when we didn't have money? We'd meet for lunch you'd pick me up or I'd meet you there. I hated loosing my parking spot so you almost always picked me up. We'd go to McDonalds and eat Big and Tasty's. Remember the time we ordered the Micky D's and went sat out on the RiverFront? We listened to SecondLine Music. That was cool! Ghetto Love...money didn't matter

Ghetto Love entry #23

2006-02-15T11:33:00.000-08:00

Ghetto love #23 is loving someone from the inside out and not being able to tell them... You struggle with the right words and ultimately you allow that love to slip away. Momma always said if you love someone let them go and if they come back to you they're yours if not they were never meant for you. That's Bull! Why I gotta let em go and "see" if they come back. That's Ghetto! Not doing it.

Damn I miss my Dawgs...

2006-02-14T22:12:00.000-08:00

Well I'm a lover of all music...tonight I was listening to The Carter by Lil Wayne, and hence forth this post was born. Damn I miss my dawgs! Katrina split us up and hasn't let up on us since. My girls are everywhere, and I miss em. Damn I miss my Dawgs the song Jackie my #1 Dawg...Momma Hennessy I miss you Boo you kept me calm when I wanted to smack them fools at work we sat in your kitchen and got drunk as cooter brown, you bailed me outta tight spots when I wanted to be a mack momma playa...dawg I miss you! We some Pretty Bitches! Yeah I said bitch Linda B. Miss get the party started man you the coolest 40 something chick I eva met! I love partying with you man how u dip that low in them spike heels? She a big gurl too! Pretty as a Picture. I miss you dawg. Kim and Lisa my two sisters I'm literally the black sheep of the bunch, they high yella heffas with green eyes and I'm the dark berry. We sisters not by blood but by love! We clubbed together, cried together, when that negro started tripping we got straight hood on him! We Prayed together ticked all the religious church folk off had fun with the kids. And don't forget how we hung out with the gayboys, and had big ole happy drinks! Lisa honey you can't mix ya alkehol! I miss yall and I wish you two were speaking and loving each other again yall blood. I miss yall dawgs! My sister Sista...I miss you dawg, you left me on the side of the highway to fend for myself yeah i was pissed off but I wasn't alone and that is exactly where God wanted me to be and he hasn't stopped blessing me. I had fun with you the past weekend. I miss us riding, I miss our lunch together I miss referring the fights, I miss my big sista *sniff sniff* Momma Deborah...need I say more, anybody who knows me know how much i miss my momma #2. You talking about a ride or die chick, she had me. When I thought I was loosing control I called her crying she was there on a dime! No question she always dropped everything for me and I for her. The love between us is Real there is no breaking that bond. Many a evil church folk have tried, they bad mouthed us made us out to be the devils of the church but God showed the evil folks out and restored us. I can write aq book about me and my momma #2. You're the hardest thing about leaving New Orleans when I visit, u tell me not to cry but you know your daughter is a cry baby. Miss Poose, my twin sister from another mother from another race. Man you were there when things flipped upside down you was like fuck it NeeNee I got you! That's the coolest. You took me to find the Lean Green! You werent afraid to come in the hood and Friday's at Barrows was the favorite part of the week for me. Congrats on the new baby and kiss him for me his Auntee Neecha is coming see him real soon. I love you chick! Sis. Sandra my prayer partner. Man you believed in me and inspired me to be a higher me. I miss praying with you 5 in the morning I miss calling you telling how God has moved and answered this prayer or that prayer. I miss seeing you dancing and praising God in the back of the church while I sang from the choir stand. Eveything you read here is real as you can see in each relationship it's grounded in God but dances in the world at times. But these are my friends they respect me and my beliefs and I respect theirs, we don't judge each other in my circle we laugh hard play hard pray hard love hard and when times get hard we're there for each other. I have more folks I miss but these are my #1 girls and I miss em. Damn I miss my Dawgs!

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Ghetto Love entry #22

2006-02-14T22:02:00.000-08:00

Ok I told myself that I wasn't gonna talk about love on my blog today but dammit I can't help it! (Yep I had to log on from home to blog about this) My people who know me knows how I feel about that Ghetto Love, for the folks who are reading this and saying "what is ghetto love?" Sorry Boo I don't have the patience to describe it to you but do know you've never experienced the full spectrum of love until you've experienced that Ghetto Love... I have one more description to add to the definition... Today is love day woowho *sarcastically* Anyway baby and I decided we were going to do something special this weekend since he has to work from 9pm to 5am tonight. I took my mom, Jeff and Nina to BranHills buffet. (I didn't pig out and made very healthy choices) Ghetto love description #22 A rather tall nice looking brother was in line trying to get into the restaraunt he was dressed in a white tuxedo... I think hmmmm, Ok why this short really pretty woman steps from behind him decked out in a full wedding gown and she has this lil bad looking kid by the collar! IT TOOK EVERYTHING IN ME NOT TO LAUGH! Ok they had like a million lil bad kids with them and some other folk who were dressed nice some in they're Sunday best some in their best street clothes. Ok that was enough for me. But what has prompted me to add this to the Ghetto love description list is what I saw next. Sister drapped the bottom of her dress over her arm and proceeded to follow her new husband to the bar and began fixing her food. I told my momma she must love that niggah! That's ghetto love! At it's all time high! He coulda at least fixed her food and brought it to her at least the first plate! Ok I've had my love day laugh and that is Ghetto Love I'm not hating just congratulating! So to all the lovers who tied the knot today...Happy Love Day!

A Pole Lotta FUN!

2006-02-14T21:20:00.000-08:00

I'm In Love with a Stripper (the bounce remix)

Mr. Long is gonna turn beet red when he reads this one! Ok as you all know I am doing Weight Watchers and Yeppie!!!!!!!!!! I'm getting the hang of it and really lovin it. I am proud to announce that I have lost 13 pounds in two weeks!!!!!!!!!!! When you're really over weight when you cut out stuff like soda and replace with water and juice that in and of itself helps. Anywho, Imma let yall in on a little secret...I love that new song out called "I'm in Love with a Stripper" I use to tease my brother Jason that one day he was gonna stumble into a big girl strip club and find me hanging from a pole. I did that to gross him out. I even announced to my mom one day I was going to be a plus size stripper...well that didn't go over well with her and she broke out her famous bottle of Holy Water...(ohhhhhhhhhhhh it burnsssssssss can u help me?) Everyday I look for a little boost to keep me going on the right track with this weight lost thing. My number 1 inspiration is my children...I want to live my dad was a big man and he didn't take care of himself he died when he was 37, my mom is 50 she enjoys life to the fullest but she has a heart problem high blood pressure and bad knees. I want to live! Thanks to all of you who think I'm beautiful and don't need to change or loose a pound. But I do I want to live! Plain and simple. Ok but to my fun inspiration...seeing as though I've always wanted to be a stripper in my next life Imma start practicing with this Yep! That's a stripper pole and its easy to install in the privacy of your bed room. So how I figure I got until our wedding night to practice on this pole...Dude do u know the fun we'll have? Betcha can't do it like me!!! Nope! He in Loveeeeeeeeee with a Stripperrrrrrrrrrr! Oh and don't forget the DVD A POLE Lot of Fun So not only will I be having fun I'll be burning calories!!!!!!!! Just a little inspiration! When I don't feel like doing weights I think about my pole! Ok baby breathhhhhhhhhh! So your color can be restored...I love you*muah*

Was it just me?

2006-02-14T12:36:00.000-08:00

*Disclaimer* This post has been in my drafts a couple of days sorry! Last night I had the pleasure of watching the Grammy Awards, that in and of itself is a great accomplishment seeing as though I haven't watched in 14 years. Wow...yeah it's been that long. Yall know I love Kanye and he looked like a black John Travolta from that disco movie he did in the seventies.

Common was on point with the white suit. Was it just me or should they have left ole Sly where he was? Oh my gawd I almost fell off my bed when he came on stage... He should be the poster child for saying NO to DRUGS Ok chilrens dis is you on drugs And this is you after YEARS of DRUG use Dammit Just say NO! I just got one question.... "Harpo who dis Heffa?!" What strip club did she tip out of? And call me old fashion but you don't do your stripper pose with your ass out at the Grammy Awards on the Green Carpet. Heffa! Umm these were just a few memorable high lights I have more but too lazy to post. Peace Out Yall!

I need a new toy

2006-02-10T12:07:00.000-08:00

See that didn't last too long not even a full 48 hours! Ya know what? I'll be done blogging when they shut blogger down! I'm addicted and I don't care who knows it! I love this forum it allows me to be myself. I can sit and play here all day...ramble all I want and you know what blogger doesn't say Neecha you're talking too much. I can be self centered, vain and this is my world so it does revolve around me *cheesing real hard* I want a laptop! I want the one on sale at BestBuy but they're out of stock online...how about that! And they don't have a BestBuy in Timbucktoo and they're all out of stock in B-ham. Let's see...Ok I've been more aware lately, aware of my surroundings aware of my behavior and aware of the words I speak and type. And with that awareness comes readjustment, I'm re adjusting my girdle right now...(don't look) my kids hate when I fix my girdle in public. Anywho it saddens me to say that I have yet again shortened my friends list. It's too much energy too much work and I became aware that these folks just weren't worth it so See Ya! It's been REAL...Peace and Blessings. Ok this is for the folk who have much to say about nothing...SHUT THE F**K UP! *wait I just told myself shut up as well* Sometimes I really need to, and I identify with that fact. Can you? This is gonna really help somebody...I don't know who it is but my little friend told me to tell u to brush your teeth your breath stinks...it smells like EWWWWW! Don't get mad at me get mad my little friend! Ya breath be on it! Ummm it's not that serious...it never is. Say what you mean and mean what you say cause u can't take it back and you damn sure can't change it. That's why when I open up this trap I am very careful about the words that come out of it. I learned from past experiences that words can kill just about any relationship...ask Big Chris he'll tell ya. He still apologizing for the things he's said. Umm take stock do the math you NOT ALL THAT, but hey my momma taught me that I am all that even if nobody else thinks so. It's ok to think highly of yourself I do. God showed me though...to think highly about myself but never exhalt myself or my gifts above him. I watch really creative and talented people use their gifts to glorify themselves and not God. I do know from reading the Bible that he will strip you down to nothing so u better get it right. I don't know much about nothing but you know what I know that I'm in a happy place! I get annoyed in my happy place sometimes but that's ok... Umm how come the happy place song not playing on my page? Mr Producer extrodinare can u upload the song u made for me so I can play it on my blog? While you're at it upload the other ones too so I can use them on my website and promote the new cd as well! It's hot to death yall! It's called "Look what I made for You" by Ice Grill. Ok we've established that I need a new toy, but until I find one I'll keep playing with my blog and annoying people and speaking my mind and glorifying my God in the process. Peace and Blessings People!

8 months and 100 Blog Posts later

2006-02-09T09:31:00.000-08:00

Wow! Didn't know I had that much to say when I started this thing...still don't have as much to say as others do. I've learned alot of things durning these past 7 months. I guess I can share some of those things with the blog world. 1. Love has no boundries, it never conforms to the time restraints people put on it, and it is free to all who seek it. 2. I've learned how to speak my peace in love. (Most of the times) 3. I've learned that blogging really does past the work day quickly. 4. I've learned there are some rude people out there in blog land...coming to my house and not letting me know you've been here. How RUDE! 5. I've that food is especially good when you're hungry. 6. I've learned how to appreciate other people's style of writing. 7. I've learned that lowfat food does taste good and is good for you. 8. I've learned to love writing again. 9. I've learned how to allow my children to become their own individual people (like I could stop em or something!) 10. I've learned that I don't wanna blog anymore I may change my mind tomorrow, I may not. But for now...until I have something to say I'm shutting it down. But feel free to dig thru the archieves and enjoy yourselves. It's been fun Peace and Blessings from An Angel with a Broken Wing

Meet Freddie's Girls

2006-02-09T06:46:00.000-08:00

We're so Beautiful don't you Agree? Ok I promised this way back in July 05 and here it is Feb. 06 and I'm just now getting to it! Meet my sisters...also known as Sista. Really we call each other Sista the only time we call each other by our birth names is when we're pissed with one another. 3 differnt mothers and one hot in the ass daddy...No wonder we're so screwed up. But you can't pick your parents. I wish I had pictures of all three of our mothers it's really scary how they all look alike. THEY could have been sisters fa real! These two pictures are two years old taken Dec. 2003. You know the beautiful lady in the middle is yours truly I am 32 years old (currently) and I was 12 when daddy died. The young lady to my right in the picture is Ms. Stacey (that's her name been calling her that since she was a baby) she is now 22 she was only 2 years old when daddy died. She can't remember a thing about him so we tell her different things about him as far as we can remember. Last but not least meet Ms. Shawn aka the Evil One. That's my big sista and I am the only one who can call her Oh Evil One to her face and not get cut! She just turned 35 Jan. 21st Happy Birthday Sista! The year daddy died wasn't a good one for her because the very next year she lost her mom. She's never gotten over that lost. I guess that's why she is so evil. But I pray for her daily and she has gotten better. I could get into the complicated relationship we have but I won't you'll read about it one day if you're really interested. I have another that I honor as my sister but she is so hateful and mean we don't include her in many of our sister activites. She is actually my oldest sister baby sister, she hurt my feeling at the funeral this weekend and I have yet to address her but You know I will! Anyway here's two pictures of me and Oldest Sista before we left the hotel for the funeral.

Would it be too vain if I said it again? If it is oh well We're Beautiful don't you agree?

She's my sister I love my sisterssssssssssss! Oh yeah Neecha is about to be an Auntee! Ms. Stacey is having a baby...my baby is having a baby. She is due in early March so I'll be taking a trip to Texas real soon.

That's My Nigga....

2006-02-08T12:20:00.000-08:00

NIGGA NIGGER NIGGAS NIGGAHHHHHHH! I know for some this word is like death! The ultimate insult and I am trying to bring myself out of the double standard that has been set, for it's use. If you are pink, use it and you die but my question today is why? Brandon has a link on his page that links to video of the white teacher who called a young black boy a nigga/nigger/niggah. Imma post it here for your viewing pleasure. "I didn't see nothing wrong with saying Nigga" Now because I am a mother my first instinct is to kick his funky white butt, but why? I mean in our culture the word is acceptable and this Great debate has been going on. I know some black people rather you not use the word in their presence and if I can I try to honor that. But let's face it...we live in a society full of niggas/niggahs. Those Niggas make my head hurt. You know who the niggas are..the ones who were on tv looting and making all of New Orleans look bad. They weren't stealing food and diapers and meds needed for survival during that horrible ordeal. NOOOOOOOOOO those niggas were stealing tv's dvd players jewelery...I mean all of the electricity was out and our houses were basically floating where in the hell were u gonna hook up a tv? Niggas! You saw this Nigga on tv...remember him? This scene set black people back 100 years not to mention the way the NIGGAS turned the Superdome into a ghetto, robbing raping killing and selling drugs, reducing mothers with babies to sell there bodies for needed supplies for their children. When these Niggas should have been men and gave that stuff to those mothers and children.

I digress...Back to the topic at hand. The teacher made a good point but because he is Pink he shouldn't have used the word in any context out loud...but my question is why? Because he is Pink? I listen to those lil Niggas call each other niggas all day...even the girls use the word. What needs to happen is a retraining of thoughts and this is just my opinion. If we as a race gonna beat the shit outta anyone outside our race for using the word Nigga then we shouldn't use it as a term of endearment within the race period. If we continue to use it then they should be allowed to use it. Plain and simple.

What up Nigga? That's my Niggahhhhhh! Nigga where my money? Nigga don't do that! Come here Nigga? Nigga stop lying? Nigga lets go to the club? Nigga that bitch be on it! Where all my niggas at? Nigga you a fool. Nigga wont you lend a nigga some money? Oh I cant wait to to see that nigga. Imma beat that Niggas ass! My all time favorite...I wish somebody would call me a Nigga!

Those were just a few that rolled off the top of my head. Now me being me...Me can be very moody so if he woulda called my oldest son a nigga and said my son called him one first I could believe it but would not chastise Jon for beating that ass good for him cause that is what would happen. Now moody me would have beat his ass right off the flip if he would have called Jeff a Nigga why? WHo knows I'm moody like that sometimes I let things roll off of me but most times I don't. I didn't leave myself out of this retraining of the double standard that needs to take place. We all need to take a class called Nigga 101 If they can't use it Neither can we.

Ok I haven't lost enough weight yet and my soap box just broke so I guess I'm done for now.

Til the Sweat drip down my Weave!!!!!!!!!!

2006-02-08T10:34:00.000-08:00

As I mentioned in last night's post, I'm doing the points system with Weight Watchers, the plan is great. It's hard doing the fruit and veggie thing, we grew up poor and fruit and veggies were expensive so momma couldn't buy them and not being accustomed to eating them I would trash them whenever the school would attempt to serve them. I like apples, bananas, an occasional orange, and grapes. I love watermelon and (strawberries sometimes). I guess I'll have to stick to that. As far as veggies I like string beans, green peas, corn, brocoli, cooked carrots and beets. You won't ever see me chewing on raw carrots or celery to me that's some of the nastiest stuff you can chew. Ok seeing that my pickings or slim I'll be taking me one of those supplements they sell them at the health food stores. I just found some and I also got some good tips on incorporating more fiber in my diet! I am proud to announce that I have lost 6 pounds*clapping real hard* Yeppie for me. I tried to stuff myself couldn't do it my stomach wouldn't let me. I went to Catherines last night and found some nice stuff jeans a jean jacket a cool decorated tee shirt the whole nine. I got to the counter and put the stuff back. I made a promise to myself that I would not buy anymore clothes until I lost a significant amount of weight. I am holding true to that promise. I find myself making healthier choices. I splurgged the other day and had a whopper on the road. Went to a buffet dinner with Baby and the kids and I didn't over eat I had only one cookie versus the 10 i use to eat 1 normal person plate of food. Wow anyway since I am home from New Orleans and all settled in it's back to the exercise grind! Did I tell yall I did the entire 15 minutes walking dvd? When I first started I couldn't do five minutes now its 15 with no problems tomorrow I start the 15 walking which is 1 mile and 15 minutes of yoga. Anyway enough of me rambling on! Eventually I want to do 45 minutes of exercise a day 30 in the morning and 15 minutes on weights at night. I can do it. Oh you wanna know about the title huh? Well since I am exercising now my hair styles don't hold so it's back to my old faithful ponytails. Just pop em on and go I can sweat and still look gorgeous. I love hair weave! Peacee and Blessings

blogging from home

2006-02-07T23:36:00.000-08:00

Hello errbody out dere in blog land! dis here da Queen and Imma bloggin from home. How was your day? Mine it was fine...a little to long for comfort but I got thru it. Today I looked in the mirror and I actually looked tired. You know why I looked tired? Tis because I am tired! I promised myself that this afternoon when I got off from work that I would cook dinner eat, and take a blue pill and rest my body. As you can clearly see none of that has happened. I cooked I ate I took the boys to the mall I talked to baby before he went to work. I watched the movie Ray...I really like that movie. Today I looked at myself in the mirror and realized just how much I've abused God's temple also known as my body. I had 2 pinpoint when it all started what drove me to this condition. Now I need God to heal that area of my life. People of God I'm talking to you...when you go to war be prepared for the enemies attemps to penetrate your mind. I've never read Joyce Meyers book Battle Field of the Mind but I know without reading it's dealing with what I'm going thru. I know my few faithful readers will read this post and be like what in the hell is she talking about. You know what, it doesn't even matter. All that matters is I keep typing because the more I type the better I feel. Random thoughts overtake me sometimes. Like the other day I told myself that I was going to take out my camcorder and make 5 videos. 1 for my momma and brothers 1 for each one of my children=3 1 for the man who loves me. Messages of love and advice and happy memories and real life issues. Ya Know? And they'll be called If Should Die before I wake...remember I love you. People always say not to focus on the bad when I start talking about death. Death is a natural part of the worlds cycle. I dread it when death knocks on my families doors it almost take me with them. But it happens, so why not talk about it? My mom won't honor my wishes. I want to be cremated when I slip from time into eternity. What's wrong with that? You see what happens when I don't get enough sleep? I am tired my body is tired but I can't lye down. I tried praying but nothing is coming out. He understands. Why do I not like my supervisor? What's wrong with me. I meet people and I decide right then and there if I am going to dislike this person or befriend this person. Most people have fallen into the dislike category, so the question is what's wrong with me? Would anyone out there in blog land like to take a stab at this? My comments are always open. And what's with folks coming to my house reading my blog resting your feet on my rug and then not commenting. Dang let a sister know you ate her cornbread while she was gone, leave a note! I promise I won't bite. You know what God gives us strenght through adversity...I'm strong dangit! Why does such a great cloud of adversity and turmoil follow me. God told me Grace and Mercy will follow me all the days of my life but sometimes I think they're at the sweet shop getting some boston baked beans cause man when I look up turmoil be all up in my grill. You ever had a fight with the devil? I tell u what that demon is strong. You ever walked into a room and just felt his presence and it gave you chills? Looka hure I'm sorry momma ain't raise no punk so me and old devil fight all the time. I mean honey he gets so scared when I get down on my knees! I know the his weakness I call my Big Daddy! He trebles at the name of Jesus. I said we fight but I don't have to fight Daddy said the battle is not mine its His. How come I haven't met any black folks here? The folk where I work are so stuck up. And I have nothing against pink people one of my dearest friends is pink (but I wonder about her she actually could have been or should have been my twin sister minus he booty). They wanna feel sorry for me because of Katrina...please child I feel sorry for you! If these womens husbands left them right now they would die. If a hurricane came through here and knocked down all there stuff they would die. If one of their kids got on drugs...you guessed it they would die. They're too Steford wife-ish for me. They say they admire my strength...honey that's God. Do you know at night I ramble on like this about anything and everything and baby listens he never interrupts? He's at work right now from 9 at night til 5 the morning. He assures me that those night owl hours won't interferre with school. He's a man and he must work is what he told me with a solem look on his face, I love that man. Why is coming to terms with things so hard? And others would lead you to believe it's simple. Hmmm I beg to differ but if you say so. My baby girl is sick I gave her some meds I pray she feels better in the morning. I've been tracking my food using the points system. I still need to incorporate more fruit and veggies. I was in burger king the other day while I was on the road with the kids, I gave the girl a hundred dollar bill to pay for our food. Why did she type in I gave her 10 bucks and couldn't figure out how much money she actually owed me, she asked for a calculator I mean I'm NO MATH wizard but dammit you owe me 83.56. I politely told her sweetie you owe me 83.56 her manager looked at me and rolled her eyes. I was like yeah your dumb ass probably hired her. I couldn't get out the door quick enough before I told my babies to STAY IN SCHOOL. Baby will read this blog in the morning and gone be like I'm buying you that pool table TODAY! Just some ole random stuff that rolls around the head of the Queen. Peace and Blessings

Look What I got

2006-02-07T13:06:00.000-08:00

AS ONE WE AWAKE IN THE MORNING LIGHT

AS ONE WE RISE UP AND MOVE IN A COMMON DIRECTION

AS ONE OUR HEARTS BEAT IN UNISON

AS ONE WE FOCUS ON OUR VISION

AS ONE WE GAZE AT THE GLORY OF GOD’S CREATION

AS ONE WE SEE VICTORY

AS ONE FAMILY

Art by Kevin A. Williams

I have been blessed with TWO mothers how lucky can a girl be. I had to return home to New Orleans this past weekend for my nephews funeral. The theatrics were there just like I said they would be. But you know what...I'm simply not going to talk about that. I will miss my baby and I even had my moment where I broke down. It could have easily been MY SOn who is the same age as my nephew.

On a much more pleasant note I got to see my MOMMY #2 Look what she gave me. She said when she saw it she knew she had to buy it for me! Is that not the coolest work of art? I love that lady and that is one of the saddest things of having to endure the devastation of Katrina, we were separated. This is my Christmas present *dancing in my chair* It's beautiful.

This is me and Mommy #2 I love this Lady! Picture take 2/4/06

Even when I'm a rotten apple

2006-02-02T22:08:00.000-08:00

Taken from the study: An AnGeL with a bRoKeN WiNg (Of course this isn't the full study just a preview of what's to come) The scripture reads and I quote, "Keep me as the apple of your eye; hide me in the shadow of your wings." Psalm 17:8 This scripture is apart of a collection of scriptures that mean so much to me. Even when my apple is rotting you love me. You don't look at the bumps and bruises that have been left by a life of being mishandled by others. You gave me a tough shiney pretty red skin and because of my appearance it's hard to see the initial bruise, but over time it seems to eat away at me. Leaving me less desireable to the world, deeming me damaged and unable to be of any use. Rotten... But You Lord planted a seed in me Father God watered with your word. You fertilize me with your love, your SON shines down on me and allow that seed to grow, the winds of change blow and that seed buds, time marches on the elements change continuously, and still growth takes place. Until one day that seed you planted in me is FULL Grown. A bright and shiney NEW APPLE ready to be used for YOUR PURPOSE! Create in me a clean heart renew a right spirit in me... I love apples! There are people out there that are reading this. It matters not how you are viewed by the world. You could be the rottenest (is that even a word?) apple in the barrel. To God you are beautiful, with one touch from the Master restoration joy peace and purpose will consume you. So remember everything you need is in the Master Gardener, and it doesn't matter what the world calls you or say about you God says that we are beautiful in His eyes and designed for his purpose. Be Blessed and Rest in his Promises. Peace and Blessings

Exercise is the DEVIL!

2006-01-31T12:08:00.000-08:00

It's been a week and I have successfully managed to cut my portions and drink 60 of the recommended 64 ounces of water a day, it keeps me up all night going to the bathroom but I don't mind. I have managed to force myself to eat breakfast...(it really does make a difference). I take a multi vitamin, I still only eat one serving of fruit a day and one serving of veggies...I'm working on it. I brought a scale last night, got on it the dang thing said ERROR (what it was actually saying was "Get your fat ass offa me!") lol anyway back to the store it goes. I love Yoga so I got me a new dvd and I also replaced my walking dvd with a new one. Ordering me one of those high capacity scales. Just as soon as I finish blogging. Started excercising today...Yeah it's the DEVIL! Man it was aweful. Me in the middle of the living room floor this morning trying to do a 15 minute 1 mile walk dvd. I lasted all of 7 minutes before I passed out on the sofa. I was kinda discouraged seeing just HOW out of shape I really am. I mean for most people getting on the scale and having it read ERROR several time would have done it. But not me cause I know I'm fat, just didn't realize how out of shape I've gotten. DAMN YOU KATRINA! I haven't exercised since August 26th, 2005 the friday before we evacuated. By the way that was my bday and as a present to myself I took the weekend off from exercise. Excuses Excuses! Ok so now here I am well over 350lbs doing the Weight Watchers Points thing. It will work! I have a lot of people pulling for me my fiance Lamar has declared that every morning he wakes up under my roof I have to get out of bed and go walking with him, he loves me for me all 350+ pounds of me! I love you baby don't get yourself hurt messing with me that early in the morning (lmao!) I have one of my dearest friends Brandon who just sent me some down home NEW ORLEANS BOUNCE music I need to make my workout cd...(that wench on the walking tape annoys me her voice is aggrevating I have to drown her out!). Thank You Pimpin! I have my babies NeeNee and Jeff who are readily accepting the changes in menu the changes in snacks and they want to exercise with me as well so, the whole family is getting fit. Not many other people know about my decision to get fit for life. They'll figure it out when they see me and my Boo flossing! Not everyone in your circle want to see generational curses breaking, they don't want you living healthy adding to your days. Come to think about it...I have a few more people to cut loose. It wouldn't be right if I didn't thank one of my cyber sisters Michelle my Belle (I was the only person who called her that) now know as Danjaruz she has been my inspiration she has been posting helpful tips and links recipes you name it! She has been loosing and isn't it ironic we weigh the same amount...that wench lost some weight so we weighed the same thing. Thanks for being brave enough to put it out there! Keep up the good work! Peace and Blessings People As I drop I have decided not to post pictures once I can get the software loaded into my computer for my digital camera I will post two pictures I took two weekends ago and that will be it until this time next year.

Healthy and Fit BBW

2006-01-27T11:58:00.000-08:00

That title may not make sense to many but to it does to me...Healthy and Fit BBW I stand at 5'10 and weight a whopping 367 pounds. Ok people enough is enough! I went a couple of weeks ago to get my tooth pulled which turned into emergency oral surgery. That wench hurt my mouth! Anyway the assistant came in before the procedure and asked me a series of health questions, well I was annoyed because I already filled out the damn health history form what did they think I was lying? Anyway she asked me do I have high blood pressure, I told her No. You know the heffa left the room came back in and asked me again!? Yall know Neecha I replied "didn't I tell you no the first time and I also said no on the health form". Well this wench pulls out the pressure cup! Ok after she takes my pressure she was shocked as hell that my pressure was actually normal...better than hers she commented. This got me to thinking first about my family tree and then about how the world perceives fat people. My Family tree is not the healthiest tree on the block. It's full of nuts! Fa Real it's some crazy people swinging from my family tree. But I digress...My daddy whom is deceased died 21 years ago. He had high blood pressure was extremely over weight and drank like nobodies business. He had a stroke accompanied by a brain anurism *spelling*. My mommy who is now 50 has extremly high blood pressure, artheritis, a bad heart and she may even have diabetes. What ever diease that is associated with being fat it's in my family tree. So knowing the cloth I'm cut from I have declared out loud so the Devil can hear it I will not die from being over weight! I signed up for Weight Watchers online. I don't like it. It's too much work but anything worth having you have to work for. I will try with all my might to follow the points plan but I figure if I cut my portions down which is what I've done all this week and excercise which starts tomorrow, I'll drop the 167 pounds (that's a whole nother person!) I already take a multivitamin, now I need to get on the fruit and vegetables. Pray for me as I evolve into a healthy and fit BigBeautifulWoman.

Reality

2006-01-27T07:33:00.000-08:00

Reality is something most people try to avoid dealing with. No One readily wants to deal with reality. Over the past week I have been dealing with reality. On Sunday night early Monday morning my 17 year old nephew was murdered(he's actually my cousin we have a weird family tree all my first cousins children call me auntee because the cousins and I were raised as sisters) . The reality of it all is when I got the news I only cried for a half of a minute. Reality...he was a murderer Reality...the very person who was suppose to love teach protect and nurture him turned him loose on the world with no guidance. Reality...he was angry Reality...he wanted her to love him not be his friend, he wanted her to punish him not condon his wrong doing, he wanted her to help him not give him bad advice like "You better slang some weed if you need money". Reality...he was a beautiful child until she got a new toy to play with and he didn't matter anymore. Reality...that man stepped in and said he would love him like his own and he did for a little while but the new toy came and they didn't want to play with him anymore. I'm angry, the funeral is next Saturday and my family is going to cut the fuck up. They'll be passing out yelling screaming and crying, trying to pull the body out of the casket. The whole nine yards. I'm angry because these very people are the ones that should have held on to him tight. They let that child down. I'm angry because I reached out to him and he rejected me because I wasn't his momma. I know he loved me and he knows I loved him but he wanted that from his momma. I'm angry because I can't control my tongue and when they start their shit I'll be forced to say something. I told myself I will pray and pay my respect then leave. But I have to say something to all the young people in my family. God will give me the words to say. Reality...it hit me all at once yesterday, and I started crying uncontrolably. He's gone. Poor baby. He was such a beautiful child...just another example of how satan is trying to destroy entire blood lines. First the Grandfather Next the Son Now the Grandson All cut down at very young ages all lived the fast life of drugs and murder all murdered. I pray he is resting in peace I also pray for the families who's loved ones he took. When will it all end. If i make no sense today, if I seem distant quiet or even a little annoyed its because the reality set in. I was so busy ministering to other children and at risk teens I let one closest to me go.

Can You Tell me How to get, How to get Too...

2006-01-24T13:47:00.000-08:00

Sunny day Sweepin' the clouds away

On my way to where the air is sweet

Can you tell me how to get

How to get to Sesame Street

Come and play Everything's A-okay

Friendly neighbors there

That's where we meet

Can you tell me how to get How to get to Sesame Street

It's a magic carpet ride

Every door will open wide

To happy people like you Happy people like

What a beautiful Sunny day Sweepin' the clouds away

On my way to where the air is sweet

Can you tell me how to get How to get to Sesame Street... How to get to Sesame Street How to get to...

This post started off as a very nice post but in my head it is quickly spinning out of control and turning into a rant. I have so many issues with Sesame Street as it was and still is one of the main tools parents and educators of young children use to ruin our babies! It teaches them not to focus on one particular discipline longer than a minute...but I won't get on that soap box today.

*Disclaimer* Elmo is off the chain I just don't like the gay voice...I loved Sesame Street growing up as a kid but when I was in the business of caring for and educating young children, Sesame Street was not allowed in my center. Hardly any TV was allowed. Once every other Friday was movie day. I loved Mr. Rogers Neighborhood because he developed a curriculum to accompany each show with hands on activites, and the show had focus and S.S. doesn't.

*For the sake of this post Sesame Street represents a happy place read the words darnit!*

Anyway I started humming this song today as it always take me back to happy places. I love my happy places they are my places of peace, places of rest and contintment. My happy places are filled with the people and things I love the most. Very few have been allowed into said happy places because of the contamination they carry with them. Some people I love them but they're too bitter to dwell in my happy place...IF you are negative then you can't get into my happy place. I may crack open the door to see who's there but you not gettin in Sucka! When I am contint with a situation I have been known to whisper, "I'm in a happy place with this". I even had a friend who made a happy place dance just for me and when I am down there they are to do that silly ass happy place dance. Sadly enough I have people all around me and they're trying to find their happy place but looking in WRONG directions. Can you tell me how to get...

I got to my happy place looking UP to the One Father, I found my happy place by seeing beauty in others even when they hid it really really good. I found my happy place by adopting a positive attitude. But what keeps me in this happy place is conversations! Daily ongoing conversations with my Heavenly Father. I ask questions and I listen for the answers. I delight myself in Him and he delights in me. So you know what? Yes I can tell you how to get to...Sesame Street. You ready? Kneel down, bow your head, and lift up your heart to the Father.

See you where the air is sweet.

You have just stepped inside the mind of An aNgEl WiTh a BrOkEn wInG.

Peace and Blessings

What's Wrong with You?

2006-01-24T12:25:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I look at people and the unneccessary bullshit they put themselves through and I want to ask them What's Wrong with You!?!?!? Lately I've been allowing stuff to affect me...I've never let that happen before, What's Wrong with Me?!?!? I mean why do I care if so and so is taking proper care of her children? Why do I care if Chelle moved out of my house into her very first apartment and then a month later move in with some Nigger and his momma? I asked her point blank What is WRong with you?!?!? Do you not see how unsettling this is? You are a grown ass woman you are not suppose to be living with a nigger who can't buy you deodarant and his momma! What's wrong with you walking to a job interview close to his house while he walks with you...When are you going to demand that he gets a fucking JOB I mean he is 24 years old he needs a job. This nigger still living at home with his momma putting his name on the orange juice...What's wrong with you?!?!?!? I digress... My head hurts and today I don't feel like praying. But I know that's the most important conversation of the day so I pray.

Neecha So Selfish Moment

2006-01-23T12:59:00.000-08:00

Look out for a new segment of me...I'll be sharing my selfish moments with the world. Yeah like the world is actually ready for more of me!

Rest In Peace Boo Boo

2006-01-23T06:30:00.000-08:00

It is with the heaviest of hearts that I post today. This morning as my alarm clock went off, my phone rang. It was my mom asking was I awake I told her my alarm just went off and she said I will call u back when you are completely awake. Me being me I knew something was wrong and I insisted she tell me what was up. "I have bad news for you...They got Antonio", my first reaction who is they the police he's in jail? Oh good. No baby Antonio is dead. My nephew whom just turned 17 Dec. 15th was gunned down last night, in Houston Texas. I haven't told Jonathan yet I am going to tell him this evening I'm going get my son he is coming home. He can to see me yesterday and I told him he needs to come home, he said ok. He has to come home today. I could go into the whys this tragedy has struck my family. But out of respect for my family I won't. Pray for us. We called him BooBoo like on Yogi Bear. He was such a beautiful child but somewhere something went wrong, I remember an incident where his momma called me she only wanted to talk to me we searched the house for wire taps we spoke in codes while in the house, we went on the porch I told her if she didn't do what was right the streets would take him. She didn't listen to me. R.I.P. Antonio Tee Neecha Loves you baby boy.

Bend Stretch Shake Let it Go

2006-01-19T16:00:00.000-08:00

Bend... Working for other people is not for me. Stretch... I'm not going to pretend that it is. Shake... It's time for a new direction in my life, got to shake it up. Let it Go... I need to pay bills but it's something in me that won't allow me to take orders from idiots. My children depend on me everytime they turn that light switch on and there's light, or they go to the fridge and there's food can't let them down. So right now I can't let this job go, but don't be surprised when I do. It's time to Bend into a new position, it's time to stretch beyond my wildest dreams, it's time to shake off the fear of failure, it's time to Let Go and Let God! Dear Lord, You created me for a specific purpose and although I am grateful for the position you have me in I need to walk in your purpose. Help me to focus on you Lord, Help me to be more committed to Your work Lord, remove anything that is blocking me from seeing you hearing you and obeying you. I only want to do your will Lord Jesus! As I give you back complete control of my life please forgive me Father for ever thinking I can do a better job with this life than you could. Lead me to the ministry you would have me faithfully serve, a ministry where my gifts will make room for themselves, a teaching ministry so that what You put in me can be refined and used for your Glory. Watch over my children Lord as my life...our lives take this new turn. I love you Lord and its in your darling son Jesus' name I pray Amen

The Music is Still Playing

2006-01-19T06:48:00.000-08:00

It's been 4 days since my son left and it's hard for me to go to sleep at night knowing that he is not in the room across from me. He loves music and he kept the ole skool station playing in his room, I normally have to tell him to turn it down some. I haven't touched the station nore have I turned it down. I went into the room and it smelled just like his cologne. I washed a load of clothes he forgot to take a pair of his jeans. The music is still playing, "We belong together" came on by Mariah and I smiled he loves that song and it's always a show when he sings it. I know as a parent I was right I will not be disrespected in my house...Hell I won't be disrespected in a cardboard box! He has until Monday if he don't show up to school Monday he will be removed from the rollbook. I will be forced to do something I have dreaded for 16 years...I will have to send him back to his biological mother. That's where he wants to be anyway. As I sit here revealing way too much to the blog world I too have the music playing oddly enough I'm listening to Be without you by Mary J. I miss my son I think I'll keep the music playing until he comes to his senses. Pray for him yall. Peace and Blessings

Update

2006-01-17T14:20:00.000-08:00

After the confrontation with my son at the bus station this morning, I decided to send him a text message and this was right in the midst of my anger. This is what I managed to text him. Son I love you and I think you are making a mistake don't throw your life away. 15 minutes later he called my mom asked her if he thought I would let him stay with Michelle my 20 year old neice/daughter and she told him yes. He then took a cab to her house got some money and then went over to Chelle's house. I guess I'll bring him his clothes this evening but he is not getting the jewelry back. I love that child. God is Good.

Dedicated to Johnathan Part 2

2006-01-17T06:07:00.000-08:00

Remember this Post? Dedicated to Johnathan This morning I sit at my computer with the heaviest of hearts, trying to figure out what happened. On yesterday my son, my buddy, my friend my Johnathan decided that at the age of 17 he is grown and he no longer wanted to abide by the rules of my house. Now I some what understand because at his age I made a similar decision but it wasn't a hostile decision. I decided he and I needed our own space. One minute I was waking him up to clean up his room and the next minute I was helping him pack his clothes. Baby was going out the door behind him trying to talk some since in his head and I was told by my son that he no longer wanted to be with me anyway and he was ready to go back and live with his biological mother who neglected him and gave him away all those years ago. He has a brother 19 and a sister 20 they dropped out of school and they live with her all they do all day is smoke weed and sell drugs. But he told me he won't fall in with that and he will finish school and mail me the diploma. Reason number 125 why I don't want any more children nore do I think I'll ever adopt. You sacrifice everything for them...I know I did and they grow up to resent you and they break your heart. It's in God's hands now. He was almost done in May he turns 18 and he would have graduated from high school his colleges of choice were Miles and Stillman and his chances of getting in were Excellent. I went to the bus station this morning to make him come home. He wouldn't I cried in the car. I was angry so I took all of his belongings if he goes it will be with only the clothes on his back. I started to take the money because that is mine too. He said he is a man so I have to let him go and be his own man. I can't begin to explain how hurt I am right now. I cried off and on all day yesterday. God hears my every groan and understands them all he feels my every tear drop and I have no doubt in my mind that he will keep my son safe from harm. My son will have to deal with the cards handed to him and overc0me great obstacles to rise out of the environment that he is placing himself in. One day he will read this I hope he knows I love him with my soul from the inside out. I pray he knows that he will ALWAYS be my son. Keep my son safe Lord keep your headge of protection around him Lord. Let him know that he will always have a place with you and a home with me. Lord when he falls to sleep tonight whisper in his ear how much you loved him, that you placed him with someone who would love him just as much as you do. Show him Lord that your way is the only way and that Parents are your representitives. I was only doing my job one you assigned to me. Tell him I'm sorry I didn't always get it right I was only sixteen when he came to live with us, I wasn't and am not perfect. I pray that he knows he was more than love. Amen "In our family portrait we look pre-tty happy we look pre-tty normal..Let's go back to that" Family Portrait by Pink

AlaGasCo!

2006-01-13T08:05:00.000-08:00

Alabama Gas Corporation BUSINESS OR SERVICE TELEPHONE NUMBERS 20 Twentieth Street South BUSINESS OFFICE HOURS 8:30AM - 4:30PM 205-759-2501 Birmingham, Alabama 35295-0188 SERVICE CENTER 205-759-2501 http://www.alagasco.com EMERGENCY AFTER HOURS 1-800-292-4008 APPLIANCE SALES ACCOUNT NUMBER TOTAL AMOUNT DUE CUSTOMER NAME 0000-00-000-000 292.58 QueenJoya Service Location: 22 Timbucktoo Lane REGULAR RESIDENTIAL CURRENT BILL DUE UPON Ok what you are looking at here is an altered copy of my gas bill which is really crazy because here in Timbucktoo everything is separate and not combined like Entergy does with Gas and Electric. This is my Gas bill for 30 days! Yall just don't know how hard it is for me not to cuss! I'm sitting here biting my lower lip. I got this bill yesterday I opened it while I was in the car on my way to pay the electric and water bills. I damn near had a heart attack when I opened it. This is what I need yall to do for me because I'm still heated about this damn bill. Somebody call Alagasco and tell them that I can't pay this bill. THis is just OUTRAGEOUS! Tell them that I haven't gotten my FEMA money yet! Lmaooooooo! I just had to play the FEMA card! But seriously yall are not feeling my pain on this one! WooooooooSaaaaaaaaaaaa! I mean there's a choice to be made here, pay this gas bill or buy groceries? But you know what? God is good! I stuck that bill in the pile with the other ones I was paying yesterday and when I pulled up to the Gas company I wrote out the check. Do nobody knows how I'm feeling right now, God has done so many amazing things in my life this past year I can bearly put them into word. I thank you Jesus that the money was in the account to cover this bill! I was joking with Mr. Long last night about the bill I told him I should let the gas get turned off and he looked at me in shock and he was like well what would you do, my reply: "I have an electric stove and two gumbo pots we can boil water for baths and use the fire place and electric heaters!) He laughed so hard at me but trust me doing something like that isn't beneath me. We went to Home Depot last night and purchased three electric heaters and we're going buy two more tonight when he gets off from work. I am also stock piling wood for the fireplace. The central heating unit aka gas gussler has been shut down! I love you baby and thanking for trying to always pay my bills, honey you have many many years of paying bills after we're married! Until then I got it baby and THank yOu!)

Wookie Cookies

2006-01-10T06:51:00.000-08:00

Ok it just dawned on me that world the may or may not have met my Wookie. Let me tell yall about Wookie. First of all he is the most handsome man that has the pleasure of walking God's green earth. He is the biggest reason I smile. Wookie is my first born son, I named him Jeffery after one of my very best friends. Jeffery will be 14 in Feb. (Damn yall I'm getting old). Why do we call him Wookie? It was a nickname Big Jeffery gave him and it stuck. Here we are at his kindergarten graduation, look at how young we were. I have a very hard time describing Jeffery to people because I've never met a person like him. He is so full of LOVE and he shares so freely with me. Now everyone else has to grow on him lol! He is a baby genius, the child knows something about everything, he loves to read and I've encouraged him to write but he loves to draw and so I support that. One day I'm going to scan some of his drawings and post them here, he even has his own special signature for his art work! He loves to cook and eat (hehehehehe!) He gets that from his big momma. You can walk in a room and find him watching a cooking show and he always says momma I'm going to cook that for you. One day he walks in the room and makes this grand announcement, "Momma I'm going to be a world famous chef and we're going to travel all over the world tasting food and wine." Ummmmm this child was 11 at the time and he still reminds me every once in a while to keep my calendar open for this adventure. His personality is one of a semi-introvert if that makes since. He is often quiet rather reserved watching his surroundings checking people out. He decides if he likes you or not. If he likes you then cool you get to see the Wookie side of him. If he doesnt like you then stay out of his way (that's putting it nicely). Jeff is a momma's and grandmomma's boy he loves his Turner women, every day without fail, He walks up to me he don't care what I'm doing or who I'm talking to and give me a big kiss a hug and he asks me how my day was. When he gets home from school he calls me and asks how is your day going are you having a good day. Sometimes I think he's just feeling me to see what he can get away with. If I'm having a bad day you gets away with NOTHING! The child is a natural athelete can out run the best of them, but he does have that sore looser spirit and he gets that from me I HATE LOSING! But I've taught him that sometimes we DO loose but that doesn't mean all is lost it just means we do something different next time and do it better! What amazes me most about Jeffery is his connection with God. I introduced him to the Lord at a very early age and it's been no stopping him, he is the only one of my children that I dont have to MAKE read the bible he does it all on his own. And he'll come and discuss things with me that he just don't understand. He loves going to church and participating. Over the summer he joined the Drama Ministry and just came out of his shell. He and Jonathan were amazing you will see both of those boys on tv somewhere! He prays and get this yall he prays for his big momma. All I can say is I love that young man he is destined for GREATNESS and I'm not saying that because I am his mother I'm saying that because he was designed by God for Greatness

Dedicated To Johnathan

2006-01-09T14:34:00.000-08:00

My Buddy, My buddy where ever I go Heeeeeeee Goes! My Buddy My Buddy, I'll teach him everything IIIIIIIII Know. My buddy and me like to climb up a tree my buddy and me are the BEsttttttttt friends can be!?!?!?!?!?!

This is Jaquan the BLACK version of My Buddy! Actually he is called a My Buddy Cuddle Doll and I'm buying one because as you can see I've already named him. You can buy one to right here Buy My Cuddle Buddy Doll.

And Here is the original My Buddy Doll! I actually had one of these things. Ok I was having a flashback moment. I was blessed with a REAL my Buddy...here he is that's me and My Buddy also known as Mr. Barnes

Picture taken 1/7/2006

He's actually gotten taller than me, he now stands at 6'1. But that's my buddy! He's 17 and has been with me since he was 3 months old, at that time I was 16. When I moved out of my momma's house at the tender age of 17...you guessed it my boy came with me. We were joined at the hip literally! He turned me against carrying babies on my hip he was so damn heavy. By his first birthday the booger weighed 60 pounds man he was a Big Boy and my momma actually started calling him Big Boy Yea and she still calls him that to this day. Me and my buddy have gone through just about everything imaginable together. I started this post ready to share our story with the world but you know what...I'd rather not. I just want to take this opportunity to let my buddy know that I am so BLESSED to have met him all those years ago. I remember going to the hospital after my cousin gave birth to him and being mad cause that cow had him one day and was discharged the next day. Yall that girl was dropping babies like nobodies business and would be RIGHT back on the grind!

I met him he was 5 days old I just stared at him he was a yellow chubby bundle of joy with these crazy grey eyes. I really didn't care for children even though my profession at the time was baby sitter extrodinare! (Who would have thought I'd grow up to be the nursery lady?) I fell madly in love with him, I knew he would be a special part of my life from the day I laid eyes on him...who knew he be called MY SON. How he came to be my son doesn't matter, (he's actually given me permission to share that in my book) The most important thing to me is that he loves respects and honors me as his mother, we've had our issues like all mothers and sons do, but we work through our problems, he is my buddy and my friend although he won't know that I am his friend until he is well into adulthood. Right now he thinks I am the enemy because I am a firm woman and I stand on my word and the word of God and I don't let him participate in certain activities and I blow up and kick his ass when needed. But he is coming into whole concept.

The other night he asked me if he could go out and I told him NO...I had already told him not to ask me and he did anyway. So I stood firm...well later on he came into my room and he said, "Momma, Thank you for being hard on me, I know one day it's going to pay off." I looked at my son kinda puzzled, now I'm thinking he's trying some new shit on me, reverse psyhcology. I smiled at him and told him to get his ass outta my room because he still couldn't go out. I told him he was bullcrappin me and to get outta my space. He looked at me with a solem look on his face and said, Momma I'm serious I love you and thank you for being hard on me I know it's going to pay off one day. Then he walked over to my bed gave me a kiss told me he loved me again and walked out my room and didn't disturb me anymore that night.

What just happened? Is my son My Buddy becoming a man? Of course he is! Even though I can't let him know right now that he is my very best friend He'll know it someday but what he does know is that I love him from the bottom of my soul, as if I gave birth to him myself.

He knows that if anybody threatens his physical safety or his emotional well being it's not beneath me to draw blood fa real. He knows that as long as he's honest with me I will back him. I will defend him to the bitter end as long as he is HONEST WITH ME believe that! I've taken him just about everywhere I've gone and if I couldn't take him I'd send him so he's been to more places in the U.S. than I have. I've taught him everything I know about Loving God, Loving Self, Honor, FAMILY, RESPECT, LIFE, THE STREETS, THE Hustle, He can spot a con-artist or a crack head from a mile away! The boy is sharp and this May he will turn 18 and graduate from high school

As you can tell I'm proud of this young man and I keep him covered in prayer and I've taught him the games women play so sistas beware don't be trying to run game on my boy cause I'll cut cha! FA REAL! and he knows it too. He calls me Big Momma and I am his Big Momma.

Son I know you're going to read this and rag on me about being all mushy and stuff but you know your big momma. Me and my Buddy all growed up! Picture taken Dec. 29, 2005

Dear Jonathan,

I thought I'd write you this letter, a love letter per say...On May 11, 1988 Nickey gave birth to you, she provided you with a gateway to enter into this place we call earth. Three months later Nickey turned right around and gave me a second chance at life. You see son I was spinning out of control, I know what you're thinking (not my good christian goody goody momma!) lol. Yeah me, I was horrible and the streets had me I was headed straight for hell. But Nickey gave us both a chance seeing she couldn't or just didn't want to take care of another baby, she left you with us, and you became my responsibility. You attached yourself to me and I to you. You depended on me and that made me feel like I had to make this life right. I had to set good examples. I couldn't have you looking at me with those ole grey eyes of yours and seeing me doing any and everything and expect you to be a good boy. So I cleaned up my act son. I went searching for purpose and then I met him, Big Daddy also known as Jesus Christ My Lord and Savior. Son I can't begin to tell you how much of a differnce you've made in my life, but you have. And people often ask me how or why would someone at that age take on such a big responsiblity and my answer to that question is love and life, I fell in love with you and you gave me back life. Son as we start the second half of our journey I pray that you become the man God created you to be. And know if there's ANYTHING you THINK you need you know you can always depend on your Big Momma. Thank You for saving my life.

I love you Son, Always have and Always Will,

Big Momma

When Two are in Love

2006-01-05T11:32:00.000-08:00

When two are in love it is a beautiful thing. Look at the one you're in love, gaze into their eyes, and tell me what you see. When I look into Lamar's eyes I see Our world together, I see the love he holds in his heart for me. I see that he has no intention of hurting me. I see his devotion to me, us and our forever together. I see beautiful I see peace I see understanding and I see an unflinching love that will stand the test of time. And you know what, I would rather die and go to hell before I hurt this man on purpose, before I would intentionally betray his trust and grieve his heart. I love this man I love everything about him even the thing that annoy me. My words fail me right now as I try to describe this phenomenon called real much. Anyway I openly expressed how I feel about Lamar because he openly expresses how he feels about me and even if he didn't...still I would. I had the time to compare this relationship with my relationship with the Lord and the only discrepency I see between the two is I have no problem with hurting my Lord and Savior and grieving His heart sometimes I sin on purpose. Why do I hurt the Lover of my Soul...I mean we are in love He has loved me before I was in my mother's womb, He loved me enough to offer me salvation by sending His son to die for my sins. He redeemed me from the pits of hell, everyday He does something to show His love for me and I ignore him some days. I would never ignore Lamar and hurt him on purpose. I'm not the only one doing this we're all either guilty or have been guilty of doing this. God I ask for your forgiveness I am truly sorry for greiving your heart and hurting you Father by being rebellious and knowingly committing sins. I know I disappoint you and I'm sorry daddy. I can't say I will always get it right but I need you to know and see that I am trying and my heart desires to do your will. I need your help guidance and forgiveness Lord and it is my desire that all recoginze how they've been mistreating you and come to repent. In Jesus Name I pray amen.

My Wings

2006-01-05T09:24:00.000-08:00

Five days into the New Year and yep you guessed it I have transgressed thus causing another break in my wings. The music you hear playing is a love song as you have gathered to from the words. DeNetria Champ is the artist and she like myself is in love with the Lord, it's a really beautiful song and everytime I visit my blog and it's playing it renders tears to my eyes. Because you see I've really fallen in love with my Lord, and I try so hard not to hurt him but I do. I look at all that God has blessed me with and think to myself if you never bless me again I'll love you just as much today as I did yesterday...or the day I fell for you. I struggle with the whys...Why can't I get it right, why is this always a struggle, why do I always hurt the one who loves me the most, just WHY? The answer came to me in my devotional the other day but yet I still beat myself up and I mess up. Jude 24 Now to him who is able to keep you from falling and to present you without blemish before the presence of his glory with rejoicing, 25 to the only God, our Savior through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority, before all time and now and for ever. Amen. God is able to keep me from falling He evens make ways of escape for me but rarely do I take them. TD Jakes is one of my favorite preachers and he just plain and simple tells it like it is according to the word of the Lord, and it was a devotion he wrote that gave me the clarity that I needed on this issue. He imparted in this particular lesson that salvation is yours once you accept Christ into your heart and life. There are no levels of salvation, it can't be taken back God only made a distinction between a certain sin and we know what that is. Once you are saved you are a new creature but areas of our lives need healing and that is why it is so easy for us to slip back into those old bad habits after salvation. And until we turn those areas over to God so that He can do in us what He needs to do, we will continue to fall, and get tossed around bruised up and hurt. So today I turn over an area of my life that I have long suffered with...I give it to you Lord, I can't fix it I can't make it right only you can do that Lord. And Lord forgive whoever went in my house after I went to retrieve my things after the storm. I was in the house Monday and I know I put my journal down in my room, deciding not to take it, thinking to myself all that stuff is in the past so Imma leave it here. The journal was gone when I went in their Monday God you know all that secret stuff I wrote to you about, it was in there somebody is walking around reading my secrets. The door was open I know we locked it the lock had been tampered with. I'm still kinda angry with myself for leaving it when I had it in my hand and it hadnt gotten that messed up some of my pages had ran from the water but oh well. Now the things that were meant for me and you only is out there floating in the world. Anyway I don't wish that person any ill feelings. Yep ladies and gentlemen I've gotten another fracture in my wing but I know God will fix me up after I suffer the consequences of my sin. Just bracing myself. Be Blessed You have just stepped inside the world of an Angel with a Broken Wing

Time for some pictures

2006-01-04T12:13:00.000-08:00

Meet the Turner Family There's no other family like Ours... Me and the Turner Boys aren't they handsome?

What you are looking at here folks, is 3 Generations of Turner women. Three generations of Hell Raisers! Nah just kidding even though some may beg to differ...

Momma, Me and My Baby

3 Degrees of beauty, 3 different outlooks on life, 3 sets of Victories, 3 sets of Defeats, Hearts, Joys, it's all right there wrapped up in those smiles.

Momma Turner has instilled in me the Heart of a Survivor, Strength beyond measure and the Spirit of a Hustler (take care of your business).

She's only loved one man her entire life and that's my dad. He died 20 years ago and she has been single every since. Except for that short stint with my step pops...That's how Mr. Jason got here. I know moms use to tip out and get her groove on, (didn't learn that until I got to be grown), but she took care of us, even during the dark years.

Jeff and I didn't take a new photo together but here is us from the last time.

Me and Jon done came along way...This is my eldest son.

right here is SupaStar the apple of my eye my mini me! These pics are a little distorted because they're for viewing purposes only. Family and close friends will be mailed actual pictures next week sometime.

Picking Boggers....

2006-01-03T11:43:00.000-08:00

Ok, I have been following this issue for a couple of weeks now and It all just ticks me off. Ummmm WhY in Da hElL is G. Dubya listening to my phone calls? I wonder if he heard me cussing that tele market ter out the other night? I mean I understand you want to keep the country safe and all but here's a suggestion...Stop messing with people dude you can't fight! And I'm tired of watching our troops die for your scary ass! And for Gawd sakes wipe that dumb ass look off of your face. If he's listening to our calls he's reading our blogs breaking into our email, and video taping us whereEVER we are! Like ummm I know in the big ole tape vault he has a tape of me picking boggers, getting my panties out of my butt, flipping the bird to that horrible driver who cut me off and he may have even captured a few instances of child abuse cause I be smacking the hell outta those kids of mine sometime...I'm just playing. That song "Watching Me" by Jill Scott has always been one of my favorites if you haven't heard it take a listen it's on the Who is Jill Scott album. Dubya do me a favor and stop the drugs from coming into my community, get rid of all the dirty cops. Ummm you should have wired tapped that damn core of engineers down in New Orleans find out what the hell they were doing because it damn sure wasn't protecting us from flooding. And oh here's one wire tap some of those politians down dere in the boot to see what is taking them so long to get the black neighborhoods up and running. Wire tap my ass! I mean come on dude I you listening to me and my people you shoulda been ease droppin on Osama B's ass cause let's face it...He dropped kicked the hell outta us on 9/11 and ya shoulda saw it coming or at least heard about it on ya wire taps because one thing I do know this crazyiness hasn't just started. You been being a nosey ass. Secret Wire Taps Spying...On Me? Ok I think I've gotten that out of my system.

Say it AINT So!

2006-01-03T10:41:00.000-08:00

Them damn Saint's is all I can say. I'm from New Orleans YAY for Me! Well as you all know Black Monday is over and now it's time for football fans to either rejoice or just plain pitch a fit! Today I think I'll pitch a fit! I mean we all know the SAINTS aren't a winning team NEVER HAVE BEEN! So why does the coach get such a bomb wrap? I mean come on now...I know alot of people will disagree with me but I have watched coaches come and go and when they come we're loosing, while they're here we're loosing and when they're gone???? WE'RE STILL LOOSING GAMES and guess what They go on to coach other teams and those teams....yep they WIN! Anyway I'm not in a mean mood today so I won't rip Tom (SELLOUT) Boobiehead a new one. But I will say this to all my Saints fans WATCH that man he ain't to be trusted. They need to Fire the whole damn team of coaches and they also need to get rid of some of those big headed high paid punk ass players I won't name names and maybe we can WIN! I mean... cause who likes to loose ALL THE DAMN TIME? Click here to read Hasslet's ulogy. RIP dude!

Happy New Year

2006-01-03T09:15:00.000-08:00

Good morning and Happy New Year to all. I have returned by the Grace of God! He has saw not only me but my family and loved one through another year. Some of us deserved entry into this new year and some of us didn't. Now if you know you didn't deserve to be here you should be jumping and shouting and thanking Him right about now...I know I am. Anyhow New Years are always a time of reflection and resolutions. I never make resolutions...why you ask? Cause I like yourself NEVER KEEP THEM! NEVER HAVE I EVER KEPT A NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION. Now I need some resolution in my life and it's coming. I've discovered things about myself this past year that are simply awesome for a lack of a better term, and I've also discovered I'm still the owner of a partial set of louis vutton luggage also know as Neecha's Baggage. So as I journey on this new year I will purposely loose and leave all sorts of bags at different destinations. (You wanna piss good christian folk off????Loose their luggage and watch the world ooozzzzzzzzeeee up out of em...lol) It's ok people, sometimes loosing luggage is a good thing because if we're honest with ourselves...we packed WAY too MUCH to begin with anyway. One thing I want to share with you though is this. On New Years Eve baby and I made our way into the house of the Lord. The kids had already decided they weren't going to attend this evenings festivities by all going to bed and actually being asleep when it was time to go. (Imagine that!) I let them sleep...they were so peaceful and looked like angels. Anyway back to my point. We tipped in at 11:30 pm just in time they were singing the hymn of preparation and he jumped right into the sermon. We were an hour late! Ummmm I'm not even gonna get into that, but we were right on time for the word! Jude 1 is where the messenger came from verse 24 and 25 24 Now unto him that is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy, 25 To the only wise God our Saviour, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and ever. Amen. The title of the message: God is able to Keep You from falling. Enough Said.

This Christmas

2005-12-21T07:33:00.000-08:00

As we enter into this Holiday Season this is the season to be Thankful, Grateful, and totally open to the things and plans that God has for our lives. On yesterday I was experiencing a disconnect from Big Daddy aka God, I've been feeling this distance for a while now and have tried to restore the connection it was either short lived or I just couldn't connect (almost like dial up internet my connection kept timing out). Last night I laid across my bed...looking at the ceiling my mind was racing, my entire being wanted to pray, and I kept reflecting on the different situations that God has brought me through. I reflected on the praise and worship that always welled up in my heart and spilled over into whatever I was doing. It's always a crazy praise to the Most High God. But lately because of the disconnect I hadn't been experiencing that, I can honestly say that what I went thru last night was equivelent to what a junkie goes thru when they're rehabing. I thought I would loose my mind but in the midst of that madness a prayer came from my heart, this prayer was different because my back wasn't against the wall, I wasn't in trouble physically (spiritually yes) I didn't need a financial breakthru nor was I praying for God to send me a man. My heart's desire last night today and everyday is to just be close to you Lord. I remember saying God I only want to be close to you let me back into your presence, can I please sit at your feet, I want to hear you speaking to me again. I miss worshiping in your house I need to work for you again what's my next assignment, I never knew I'd miss singing praises to you so much. Teach me how to never turn a deaf ear to you again, forgive me from straying away forgive me for not putting you first, and other prayers started to flow and before I knew it I was doing my prayer walk again (walking through my house praying for my children. I was listening to Deliverance is Available by Vicki Yohe and that song is so beautiful! Deliverance is definitely available to you but we first have to admit that we are bound and I have been bound by my own selfishness. Last night I was delivered from me and set free to praise my God. These are the words of a song that I've grown to love it's on the Ted and Sheri cd Celebrate. The name of the song is Conversation Can I have a moment of your time* Need to Talk, Got a few things on my mind * And I need, yes I need to hear your voice cause I dont want to make the wrong choice * Direction from you is what I need today**Please hear me when I pray**Talk to Me**Talk to Me**Things feel better when you talk to me ** See I've Learned I can rely on NO ONE ELSE and sometimes I CAN'T TRUST MYSELF** But I know I can share my heart with you**All my fears and the things that I long to do**Direction from you is what I need today**Please hear me when I pray Lord your words are life to me strength and peace and joy complete**How I long to hear from you Things feel better when you talk to me**Talk to me.. What a beautiful prayer. My prayer for all who read this blog is that you reconnect with your God and if you're already connected to Him...I pray that you strengthen that connection and obey whatever it is He is telling you to do. I pray that you are able to sit at the feet of Jesus and bask in his glorious teachings. I pray that you use His example and slip into a secret place and pray unto Our Father. I pray that you share the gospel of God's love and saving grace to someone who does not know him in the pardon of their sin's. I pray that it is revealed to you by God what His purpose is for your life and that you immediately go to work on fulfilling that purpose. I pray that we develop a giving heart, when we give more love...love is returned to us tenfold when we give of ourselves we bless others. I pray for the peace that surpasses all understanding and I pray that it guard our hearts and minds. I pray that we remember that children are gifts from God and we are to train them up in the way they should go so when they are old they won't depart...That way is the way of the Lord. I pray for all my babies who have blessed my life over the years as I served them in the ministry and also in the secular world, I pray they are safe, I pray their needs are met, I pray that where ever they are that they know that they're not alone God is with them and hears their prayers and cries. I pray that we don't forget the most important child...a son who died for us so that we may have life, I pray that this Christ-mas-be-in-the-midst. I pray for my family and friends that you continue to protect and guide them, I lift my children up to you Keep them, they are yours, I Thank you for them continuously I pray for the man you've placed in my life continue to crown his head with the wisdom and knowledge he needs to walk in your purpose. In the name of Jesus I pray Amen. Peace and Blessings QueenJoya Catch you all on the other side...That's all folks until 2006 Happy Holidays

Passion Rekindled

2005-12-19T12:00:00.000-08:00

This morning I was chatting with my friend Cliff as I have done everyday since the day we met. The only time we didn't talk on the phone meet for lunch or chat online was during Hurricane Katrina evacuation. I was asking him about Princess and how was she adjusting having daddy at home all day. He said that she probably doesn't like him yelling don't touch that or stop all day. Well me being me immediately jumped to her defense and what was my response you ask?!?!?! Get her some STUFF in all capital letters (Yes Cliff I was yelling at your ass!) He said she has her own stuff but likes his notepads and shoes etc. etc. And I started rattling off all these ideas that he could do for her, starting with setting up mini learning centers and telling him what he could equip them with and what have you. He had to log off for a little while to do some chores but my mind is still going. I miss my daycare center and I miss the children. Cliff did a post about Finding your Passion or something like that and I couldn't find it to link it here.(what did you do with it huh Cliff? Ya hiding it from me Cliff?). This morning's conversation has put me back in touch with one of my Biggest Passions that is serving children, making this world a better place for them, inspiring their creativity and fostering an environment for them to learn and grow and dream. I worked with the babies for a living but it was what I loved to do. I loved working with children so much that I volunteered at my church to work with them SERVING them in all capacities, I've been Youth Director, Head of the Drama department (actually the only person crazy enough to start that ministry and keep it going) I've been teacher, tutorer, counselor, christian mother,confidant, intesessor but most of all I've been open to the children. I have waited on these folks hand and foot, fought for what they wanted, have taught the topics that were most relevant in their struggle as young christians. We've gone everywhere together done had lock ins lock outs concerts plays picnics ballgames water fights, you name it we've done it. I MISS WORKING WITH THE CHILDREN! That is my Passion People...Serving God's little ones and the not so little I think I'm grown ones. Pray for me as I find a Ministry to use the gifts God has blessed me with and also My goal is to shut it down by age 45 I want to be done working for other's and back in the Child Care Business. I'll also have at less two books published by them as well. Peace and Blessings

Neecha's Christmas List

2005-12-19T10:40:00.000-08:00

To all of you folk who's asked me to put up my Christmas list up, here it is and please oh please if you have to spend your money on me get something off the list...(cheekie huh?) I know. But for real because I have been blessed and I don't need anything give something to a Hurricane Katrina Victim and not me or my oldest son that fool is milking this for what it's worth. This is going to be a hard holiday season for alot of people. But to all the die hards who love me so much and just have to give me something here goes! I want this poster for Christmas Billie Holiday Poster Boondocks! I want Boondocks I was actually a fan before they hit the Cartoon Network and Pimpin got me two of the best full size comic books full of McGruders comic strips. Public Enemy #2 and Because I know you don't read the Newspaper. I would like those again. I love to dress nice and love different fragrances.If you want to buy me clothes www.avenue.com is the store I wear a size 28 in jeans in slacks I buy size 30 so they flow tops size 32 if its a dressy top a size 28 for casual tops.Fragrances: Lucky You (for her of course), Cool Water for women, Oojua (pronounced OOOO WEEEEE), and Lauren.I would like my very own copy of Smallville Seasons 2 and 3 and I would also LOVE the complete set of Oz (Adibeci was off the chain!), Oh! Alias I love that show. Wanna see a REAL BIG SMILE? Married with Children the complete season.I am getting wayyYYY to carried away with this!I love Roses white roses would be nice.JEWELeRY!

Everything in his Power

2005-12-19T07:53:00.000-08:00

Good morning Mr. Long, Thank you for trying to do everything in your power to make me feel better this weekend. I really wanted to attend my friend's graduation but couldn't and you knew I was feeling bombed about it, and You did everything in your power to make me feel better. Thank you baby. I had a beautiful time, and I look forward to our first road trip this week and our first Christmas together. Oh yeah don't think I've forgotten about our date to BellBottoms and I want to go to the Break, as well.

Clapping Real Hard

2005-12-19T07:43:00.000-08:00

I would like to take this time to give a standing ovation to one of my dearest friends Mr. Harris aka Pimpin...He graduated from U.L.L. on Saturday with his degree in Engineering. I could not physically be there as planned but my prayers for Pimpin were there. Thank you Pimpin for making me apart of the ceremony I cried when you called me before you went on stage to accept your degree. I cheered when you called me back after it was in your hand. So here's to you Pimpin *Clapping and Smiling Real Hard*. Congrats! Love, A.J.

I love online photo albums

2005-12-15T08:27:00.000-08:00

Look what I found! I forgot I was a shutterfly crazy person, and I had like three accounts with pictures in them. You have to know how happy and grateful I am finding these photos having lost 99% of my photos in Hurricane Katrina. Anyway I wanted to share them with the world. Mr. Jon his first year in highschool band Big NeeNee and Lil NeeNee we knew we were the ALL THAT! Ok my brother Jason calls this the Oh My Gawd Becky Look at her Butt Picture

This is my dancing Diva the year she was Princess in the Royal Court.

Look at my Jeff he is so handsome.

You see why I love Kanye

2005-12-14T09:27:00.000-08:00

He is a mad genius, talented, self assured and he believes in what he is doing. They say he acts up and throws tantrums I say he is cocky in love with himself and most of all he is in love with his profession he has what is called PASSION most rappers today don't have passion. You listen to the radio and you watch the videos...there is no passion in shaking your ass. I am tired of the stripper songs (but that is another post). To all of you who dislikes Kanye all I can say is DON'T HATE! Yeah he is VERY SELF CONFIDENT and what???? If he doesn't believe in himself who will. What we need to do is learn how to think highly of ourselves and the work we do, then we won't need people to talk us out of a funk. I love him and I also love wrestler/entertainer Kurt Angle for the exact same reason! It's True! It's True! Wanna see my boy acting up again!?!?!?!?! Click here Kanye Doing HIS Thing

You thought you heard the last of me?

2005-12-14T07:16:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was a very horrible day for me spiritually and emotionally I felt defeated and ready to give up. I even claimed depression embraced it full heartedly...The devil is a liar, I refuse to let go of my faith and wallow in self pity. When I do that what I'm actually saying to my Heavenly Father that what he's blessed me with is not enough and that His grace and mercy Isn't sufficient. That grieves my Father, I know that I am not perfect and there are times when I disappoint Him but to sit and wallow in self pity and be ungrateful is inflicting unneccessary pain on myself and the God I serve. HE has done too many wonderful things for me and he is not done. There is a purpose for my life that I intend to fulfill with the Guidance of God. I would like to say thank you to the people who love me for trying to make me feel better yesterday. I am not going to stop writing or blogging. I am back up on my soap box! Peace and Blessings

Today I share a Prayer

2005-12-14T06:19:00.000-08:00

Artist: Patrick Kelly Praise the LORD for the glory of his name. worship the LORD because he is holy

~~Psalm 29:2~~

God still sits on the throne. Each and everyone one of us are going through tough timesright now, but God is getting ready to bless you in a way that only He can. Keep the faith. My instructions were to pick four people that I wanted God to bless, and I chose to post this for all to read. This prayer is powerful, and prayer is one of the best gifts we receive. There is no cost but a lot of rewards. Let's continue to pray for one another.The prayer: Father, I ask You to bless my friends, relatives and those I care deeply for, who are reading this right now. Show them a new revelation of Your love and power. Holy Spirit, I ask You to minister to their spirit at this very moment. Where there is pain, give them Your peace and mercy. Where there is self-doubt, release a renewed confidence through Your grace. Where there is need, I ask you to fulfill their needs. Bless their homes, families, finances, their goings and their comings. In Jesus' precious name. Amen.

This was borrowed from Spending time with Him

One Mo thing be4 I go

2005-12-13T13:51:00.000-08:00

This picture taken 12/9/2005 Look at me with that fake ass smile...I must admit I'm beautiful but I can see past the smile right down to the pain. What's wrong with people can't they see? Anyway I'd like to Thank my co worker Tech Guy for taking this wonderful picture of me. He took more but I dont think I'll post them.

mY SoAp bOx is CaViN N

2005-12-13T13:04:00.000-08:00

Ok...It's time for me to step down off of my soap box, I think it's caving in. I know for a fact it's definitely starting to sag. This will be my last post until the New Year which will be in a couple of weeks, I'm what some may call moody others call depressed but whatever it is its starting to eat at the very core of who I am. Retreating from the world. *Inside voice speaking: I wonder if they will even notice I'm gone? Hell they don't even notice me here. Have a Blessed Holiday QueenJoya

Deep Sigh

2005-12-13T09:04:00.000-08:00

Today is not a good day for me...I'm not my bright and bubblie self, I guess it's the dread of the holidays coming. I guess its because I feel neglected by the people I love...*sigh* Don't they know that life is not promised to me or them? I was diagnoised with Vasculitis a while back which freaked me out because before I discovered the purple/reddish marks on my legs I had never heard of it. Now when they=doctors/specialist can pin point what causes the Vasculitis which is inflamation and/or infection of the blood vessel walls, it can be treated. But when they don't know what's causing it, it can be deadly. And wouldn't you know it, they can't pinpoint what's causing this diease in me. One doctor suspects Lupus but I'm not claiming that my other doctor looked me in my face and gave me a specific name for the type of vasculitis I've been diagnoised with but she had no idea as to how to treat me, and with all the extensive blood tests I've had done they still haven't come back with a solid answer, and I actually had an appointment with a new specialist but Hurricane Katrina changed all that. Now I start all over with trying to find new doctors taking more tests and trying to get appointments with specialist who are booked clean through February. I don't have cooties it's not contagious the form of Vasculitis they claim I have (I can't even remember the name of the form I was tramautized by Katrina) Is rare and is probably heriditary from my father. But I wonder if the people who claim they love me know how I feel right now. *Sigh* I talk but it seems sometimes I'm talking to myself, I've tried reaching out only to get pushed back in my corner of what I like to call "everything is straight". That's when I've shut down and shut you out, when I start saying that everything is straight. And now my prayer/support system is next to none due to circumstances beyond my control. What would they do if I was no longer apart of their world? *Sigh*I started this post and was rudely interrupted by our department Christmas party and I sat there really struggling to hold back the tears because as I looked around I really am a stranger in a foreign land. And I am sure other people who've been uprooted and had their family and friends torn apart from them are feeling the same way. I am not ungrateful..I'm just having a moment. This is a really lonely place to be right now. ****My Advice to you**** Cherish the one(s) you love, let them know that they are important to you. Discuss what is going on in their lives and actually listen. Remember sometimes all they want is a listening ear not a solution. Everybody deserves a good cry, a hearty laugh and a big bear hug. I miss you Momma Deborah, so much, we've seen each other through some pretty dark and painful times and our good times were off the Chain! Remember Atlanta? ABout to tear the damn Waffle House Apart! In da name of Jeezus! ***What I need*** I need to know that I am loved by you I need to cry sometimes I need to listen to some New Orleans Bounce Music (neva thought I'd EVA say that one) I need to sit on the steps and look at the stars I need my strong shoulder I need a hug I really need to snap out of this. I need to be able to depend on you I need to be able to know that I know that I know you will be there I guess this is depressed for me...I don't know.

Hey Momma

2005-12-12T08:02:00.000-08:00

As you all know I am a huge fan of Kanye West and I love the song "Hey Momma" off of the Late Registration Cd. It's also my son Jonathan's favorite song as well and some mornings (when we wake up on the right side of the bed well rested) he'll come in my room while I'm brushing my teeth and put it on. He lets it play over and over until I enter the room, as soon as I step in the room there he is...he grabs me and spins me around the room and sings to the top of his voice, I love those mornings and that's his way of showing me he loves me. He has several songs that he loves where rappers or singers are giving honor to their mommmas, and he has played them all for me sang them for me and rapped them for me, the other day I was in tears because of a disagreement I was having with my ex-husband concerning him, my son who is now 17 years of age came into my room gave me a hug and a kiss told me he loves me and to stop crying that he was going to be ok and if the worst case sceniro happened he won't die, he told me again that he loved me gave me another kiss told me stop crying and left the room. I laid in my bed thinking to myself..."What a wonderful young man/son God has blessed me with." I mean honestly God has blessed me with three of the most wonderful children, they are off the Chain! All have their own personality I cannot treat them the same because they are not the same...Wookie hugs and kisses me everyday he calls me when he gets home from school and asks me how my day is going, if this is any indication of the future he's going to be a really attentive hubby. NeeNee is the same way she likes to have momma and me time so we tend to sneak off and get ice cream or go somewhere and talk, she looks at herself in the mirrow and then at me and says momma I am beautiful just like you....(Yes you are my SupaStar!). I love the relationships I have developed with my children and I know they will continue to grow and change as they grow and change and I am prepared for that. I wish I had momma and me time with my real mother. She just can't understand that I AM her daughter. I know she loves me and when I couldn't find her after I evacuated from New Orleans and she decided to stay it took everything in me to hold it together in front of the kids. Every moment I got alone or away from the children I cried and prayed for my momma. Why can't she see or understand that my days may not be long, then what? She knows she can depend on me to pay bills meet this need or that need...I just thought she'd asked me at least one time to go on one of those lavish trips she takes that most of the time I end up funding all or part of. It's always her and ________. Stayed home for Thanksgiving was suppose to go to Houston Texas missed an opportunity to be with my siblings from my dad and also missed an opportunity to hang out with a very dear friend. WHy you ask? because according to momma "this is our first Thanksgiving after the storm we have a lot to be thankful for". I prepare and she leaves town and guess where she goes all at the last minute and stays for 7 freakin days? Houston Texas. It matters not that I was hurt beyond hurt and then she had a freakin attitude because I wouldnt loan her the money to take this trip but still ended up loaning it to her. If you saw us you would think how cool of a relationship but its all a mask, she may not think so but it is. She did ok as a mother if you take into account she didn't have anything to go by being shipped from pillow to poll growing up because my granny was an alcoholic and then having her die when momma was a young teen didnt make it better. *Am I making excuses?* I don't know how many more disappointments I can take before I shut her along with some other folk out of my life FOREVER.... *Disclaimer* This issue is much much deeper than I even care to discuss in this forum...maybe oneday I will, but not today. I am not just being a brat either. Inspite of it all I still manage to smile and MY children won't have to compete nor will they ever have to beg for my attention love and affection. You have just stepped inside the soul of an Angel with a Broken Wing.

I've Learned today

2005-12-09T13:18:00.000-08:00

I've learned today that people aren't as good with expressing how they feel about anything especially their emotional feelings for another person. I've learned today I can't be angry if you don't express your feelings as freely as I express mine. I've learned today that the word "ditto" is beautiful. I've learned today that love is a part of who I am I've lived so long without it...it over whelms me sometimes finally having it. I've learned that love finds you when you least expect it. I've learned today to listen to a certain degree...(Baby I'm sorry that I didn't listen to you last night). I've learned today to learn from my mistakes and adjust my attitude and behavior accordingly. I've learned today that my friends seek my advice and that sometimes it hurts their feelings...(Sorry yall if it comes out rough, but I love yall and just want what is best for you). I've learned today that people love me for me! I've learned today that one of my dearest friends is sad and can't get past the hurt and I don't know what to do for her, I wish she could find the Lover of her Soul like I did...God has it all in His hands He is the Lover of your Soul.

What kind of Killer are you?

2005-12-09T13:13:00.000-08:00

What kind of Killer are you? They come up with some of the weirdest things I REALLY hate when these things are right! People who know me and have known me for sometime is this not ME!? UGGGGGGGGGH! You kill for revenge. That is because you have lost something or someone you held very dear. Now you can't seem to get over the loss that marked your soul, and the only solution is to go after the one person who brought all this pain to you. Chances are you are angry inside and you bottle everything up and don't talk to anyone about it. People may want to help, but you think that they can never understand your pain and only get frustrated because of this. But it is important to see all that you have left and be thankful of that even if you have lost something great. It may not be true that Times heals all wounds, but with time and talking about your feelings, maybe the hurt will ease. Main weapon: Yourself Quote: "You can close your eyes to reality but not to memories" -Stainslaw J. Lec Facial expression: Gritted teeth and teary eyes What Type of Killer Are You? [cool pictures] brought to you by Quizilla

I RESERVE THE RIGHT

2005-12-09T12:05:00.000-08:00

I Reserve the Right I reserve the right to be ANGRY...let me be, if you try to stifle my anger I WILL turn it on you. That won't be nice at all. I reserve the right to think my ex-husband is an ASSHOLE! Don't try to change my opinion I know this Buster have known him for years...He's a Buster Asshole Deadbeat (Thank God I got some sense and got away from him). Now having said that you can see how jacked up I was when I married this man. EVERYBODY changes some for better (as I did) and some for WORST. "A CONSTANT STATE OF GOING NOWHERE" (Alicia Keys) I reserve the right to wear lace boy cut panties (I look sooooooo sexy in them). I reserve the right to think that the higher ups in New Orleans ORDERED that the damn Canal be blown up so the PINK PEOPLE's property won't flood. Thus killing thousands of my brothers and sisters including my grandmother who refused to leave with us 3 times. They found her drowned in her home after FEMA said the house was empty and told us to check the different shelters. Her funeral is tomorrow. I reserve the right to love and marry a man younger than me...(Don't get mad cause He chose me and I love him) "Betcha can't do it like me!" I reserve the right to live anywhere I damn well please as long as I can afford it. I don't care for many pink people there are a few that I love dearly but the rest can...I won't be mean. But let's face it when you live in neighborhoods where that are mixed (mostly white) there's an air of safety there. Case in point I have lived in the hood most of my natural ass life, one night shots rang out while my babies and I were trying to park the car, I jumped out the car ran to unlock the door while they were on the floor of the car taking cover(how crazy is that?). Anyway when i got the door open I ran around the car opening the door running each one in acting as their shield until I got my three children and two nieces in the house safely. In this panic to get them to safety I left my purse on the floor of my car, and one of the doors was unlocked who's thinking about that when Niggas are shooting? Why my neighbor who also took off running but didnt go inside he stayed in his door, watching...that bastard stole my purse! Crackhead! at the time I was dating this big ole country mofo who when angry can pick up a car, he knew he took it and came in the hood and scared the piss outta the crack head, The crackhead threw my purse back in the recycle bend that night I found it when I left the house the next morning for work. All my id and credit cards where there cancelled of course. But now here I am living in Timbucktoo Alabama, have left my car door unlocked, forgot my camera in the car with the doors unlocked, have even had my son leave my side door to the house unlocked and you know what happened? NOT A DAMN THING! So no evilone I am not trying to keep up with the JONESES I can't afford to run with them snooty bitches, I am just trying to live in a safe neighborhood. I reserve the right to laugh at STUPID PEOPLE...they are so funny to me. I reserve the right to love the skin I'm in...It's my skin and I can't help it if you haven't embraced the person God created you to be. I reserve the right to not like you or your girlfriend or your children (Hata Niggas Marry Hata Bitches and Have Hata kids) "Kanye West" I reserve the right to be one of Kanye West BIGGEST FANS! It doesn't matter what you think of him I like him. I reserve the right to attend my daughter's chorus concert and video tape only her the entire concert...Hell I don't know those other kids! I reserve the right to play my music as loud as I want and dance as hard as I want because in all actually I don't CARE who's watching and thanks to Pimpin I have all the music my heart can hold. I reserve the right to look at my caller id and not answer your call...You don't have anything positive or important to say so why waste my minutes on negativity? I reserve the right to get my panties out of my butt in a public place...I mean have you seen my butt? It would not look cute if I walked around with panties bunched up my butt nor is it comfortable. I reserve the right to wait for sex til marriage and my baby agrees with me. It's hard but well worth the wait! I reserve the right to plan a nice small intimate beautiful wedding...You may or maynot be invited. We're keeping it small. I reserve the right to ease drop on my teenagers conversations, to search their rooms, and INVADE their privacy...My=ownership they belong to me until God is ready for them, they talk on a phone that belongs to me I pay the bill I brought the phone, and their room just happened to be located inside MY house. I also reserve the right to not give a rats ass if they don't like it. I reserve the right to sing. My momma says she always know when I've left a conversation...I start singing, not loud or offensive but right in the middle of a conversation I start humming or singing real low...That means I've wondered off and what you're talking about is boring the hell out of me or I'm simply not interested in hearing what you have to say. I reserve the right to cry, Thank you for trying to comfort me but some tears have to be shed and my spirit won't rest until I get that hurt out of my system. I reserve the right to look at men with nice asses...Men look at women who has them so WHat? I reserve the right to feel the way I want, love who I want and hold who I WANT in my heart. I reserve the right to eat ice cream...I don't have to explain this statement to you. I reserve the right to think outside of what most people call the norm...the norm is boring and predictable, that's not who I am. I reserve the right to be BITCHY...you try having a period children a full time job night classes and run out of chocolate and see just how calm and nice you are at the end of the day! I reserve the right to eat food...Skinny Bitches make my head hurt eating like damn birds...Eat some food! And maybe your man will stop flirting with me behind your back....who are we kidding he does it right in front of your skinny face hahahahahahaa! I reserve the right to shoot at crackheads...it is a proven fact that crack heads can out run bullets (don't ask me how I know) lol. I reserve the right to shoot at crackheads, they steal your shit when you're not looking, they can pass a lie detector test with flying colors and they always have some sad ass sob story trying to get your money and sympathy. I reserve the right to shoot at crackheads they just work on my nerves and its too many of them they are starting to out number us! I reserve the right to think to myself and say outloud that 50 cent looks so damn gay on the front of that GQ magazine what was he thinking about? That shit is not gangsta! It's GAY!Tell me what do you think? I reserve the right to think Ashanti cannot sing and all the folk who think she can...well yall are just twisted I tell YA! I reserve the right to Miss New Orleans, people I know you mean well but that was my city my home and I don't care how much crime they had it was still my city where I spent 32 years of my life and now I'm just suppose to forget that? And act as if New Olreans is not a part of me and I should just kiss your ass continuosly because you let me in your city? I don't blame them New Orleans kids for fighting they just lost everything they own and hold dear to them the news has potrayed EVERY Black person from New Orleans as poor and welfare recipiants and just deadbeat bums when that is the furthest thing from the truth! I also reserve the right to cheer the New Orleans kids on and YES THEY DID BEAT THE SHIT OUTTA THOSE HOUSTON KIDS! I reserve the right to think George Dubya is a bitch ass punk! I always knew he was and he proved my point to the whole world with this war and his response to New Orleans and Hurricane Katrina. Katrina means purify and I reserve the right to think that God was purifying the land I also reserve the right to think that God is in CONTROL of all things and no matter how bad it looks it is for the good of them that Love HIm.

Eyes Wide SHUT!

2005-12-05T10:37:00.000-08:00

This past week has been an eye opener for me...I have been walking around with my eyes wide SHUT! Totally blind to me... the me that I often avoid because I know she'll blast my ass, just as soon as I pay any attention to her. The mirror, is the most effective self help tool if used properly. Most of us use it for vanity purposes only but it was something about washing my face then catching a glimpse of "me" in the mirror. I looked into my own eyes and had to face some cruel realities about me... *But before I share them here I need to say the hardest thing in our walk with God and our Spirtual Growth process is facing reality about ourselves! We wear these masks and do such a wonderful job at building a perfect public image that we loose ourselves in that some how. Now there are some who will read this (wait a minute, do people actually read my blog?) I digress. You'll read this and you'll be offended and if you are then yeah I'm talking about you! Check ya self! Cruel Reality #1 Neecha is a SELFISH person. I don't like to share plain and simple. I DO share things with people but that's only because I don't want my get into heaven card revoked! Cruel Reality #2 Neecha can be mean as hell and very moody. I think I'm Bi-Polar but I will never go a doctor and have them officially tell me that...Why you ask? Because of PRIDE! Which takes us to Cruel Reality #3 I am Prideful! Growing up other people wreaked havoc on my self-esteem telling me I was ugly and too dark and mean and hateful like my momma which as a child I wasn't but as I grew older and came to understand what those things actually meant I Became them. Ugly (not outwardly but on the inside) I had and still display such an ugly attitude Oh My goodness I know St. Peter has my picture taped to the Pearlie Gates with a Do not Let her IN note scribbled on it! Mean as SIN at times but I digress... I love me I take PRide in who I am I take Pride in my accomplishments and at times I take the whole Pride thing to the brink where God hates for us to go with it...Pride comes before a Fall. Cruel Reality #4 Manipulation my name should have been Neecha Manipulation Turner Dammit In my early teenage years I got it down to a science. It became so bad as the years progressed that it was just who I was, that's all I knew how to do was manipulate people and situations to get what I want. God has definitely done a good job of pruning and purging that one from me. The reason it's a Cruel reality is because this weekend I found myself trying to manipulate a situation, I caught myself but that old sinful nature dies hard! I owe someone whom I love with everything within me an apology... Baby I am sorry you may or may not have realized it but I was manipulating you to get what I wanted and you complyed because you love me. I'm sorry (can you help me?!) lol Ok I know the things I need to continue to bring before God and since I thought I had been "delivered" from these strongholds and see that I am not they're actually still there not only do I need to bring them before God I need to keep them before Him day and night and FAST for a break thru! 2005 has certainly brought about drastic changes in my life I have gone through so many things, one was Hurricane Katrina...that event changed the course of my life forever and many others, but thru this same event I came to know my Heavenly Father on a Deeper Level. I had no one to rely on talk to or turn to but HIM and sometimes he takes us out of our comfort zones kicking and screaming to get us to a place where we can be with Just HIM and HE can BLESS US according to HIS PLAN! All that to say this, people we all need to use our mirrors and if you honestly look at yourself you won't have to look hard to see what God is trying to purge from you. Be blessed in 2006 People! The name of this piece of art is called Face Reality my mom actually purchased this at the very first art show I had ever gone too, I didn't care for it then but now it's on my gotta have list.

Taking off the masks are hard as hell and Facing the Reality about who you are is even harder but with God's help I think we'll do ok!

Actually Posted Dec. 6th, 2005

Brea

2005-11-22T12:28:00.000-08:00

My baby Brea is such a darling, ohhhhhhhhh but she got the hell pent up in her! She is beautiful, energetic, smart loving funny and has been with me for the past month. I really missed her and worried about her during the Hurricane Katrina period because I had just brought her home to her mom because the Friday before Katrina was my Bday. We were separated for awhile and we found her went and picked her up and Chelle just called and said she is crying like a damn fool to go home. Her stanky ass grandmother which is my oldest son's Biological egg donor/seragate because the bitch is not a mother, calls every fucking day, hey Brea you miss us you wanna come home you want Moonie (Moonie is Brea's momma) and everyday Brea is having fun of course she don't want to leave. Well today Nickey succeeded at getting Brea to break and you know what? I love that little girl with everything in me but they shouldn't do that they need to stop playing with her feelings like that. Anyway I'm sending her home. I am tired of the stupid games they are playing I mean I will never go that shit with Nickey again not like what we did with Jonathan. And mind you Jonathan is Her SON she GAVE to me and she has NEVER in his SEVENTEEN years with me called him as much as she has called this child. She is jealous and hateful and is just upset that once again a child cut from her cloth is being blessed with the opportunity of a better life and a chance at succeeding. Jonathan will be her only child that has finished highschool out of 5 of those lil bastids he is the only one that hasnt been to jail dont do drugs dont have any babies on the way and isnt responsible for any abortions. I feel bad for Brea, she is such a beautiful child, I was just sharing with Baby last night I want to put her in gymnastics (that's the big thing here) she is such a natural. *To Brea if you ever stuble across your Tee Neecha's blog and read this, Know that I love you with all my heart and I've always wanted and will always want what is best for you. I will never fight your mom or your grandmother unless you were in danger or being abused which I think you are but I don't have proof. I love you Wha Wha! Keep God first and know I will always have you in my heart and my prayers!* She may read it one day.

Kanye West

2005-11-22T09:49:00.000-08:00

Wellllll ya know...I got to see Kanyeeeeeeeeee West Friday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We sat so close to the stage I saw Fantasia's strecth marks! It was a wonderful show I don't know how to adequately put it into words. I'm not a big Fantasia Fan I think Baby enjoyed her but the sister put on a pretty decent show even had me singing along. Ohhhhhhhhhh But then Kanye came out all star studded and energetic he bounced from one end of the stage to the other. He did the Smurf (now some of yall won't remember that dance!) He did the running man and when he sang Hey Momma I danced my ass off! To put it plain and simple I had a good time. Baby is not a fan but he enjoyed himself as well and he said watching me singing and dancing and smiling real hard made the night beautiful. He forgot the camera! I wasn't upset though so as far as pictures you'll have to settle for these.

Do you know what it means to miss New Orleans?

2005-11-21T10:24:00.000-08:00

I have so many things rolling around in my head today. Sometimes I feel like any minute I'll come undone and then what? My cup is running over but Thank You Lord for being my saucer supporting me and catching the parts of me that fall from the cup. I listened to Louis Armstrong today "Do you know what it means to miss New Orleans?" Unless you're from New Orleans you don't know...I want that song on cd. What is a relationship without title? Why is my heart so full right now? I mean I am in a better place, I am gainfully employed, blessed beyond measure, my family is healthy and safe, and not to mention I have a wonderful man in my life that just loves and adore me. I'm full because people I love aren't near me I can't touch them, I just miss you, that's all. That's why I cried for almost an hour last night...that's why I'm crying now. I looked like a truck ran over me this morning as I tried to quickly pull it together and get to work on time. It's raining it's cold and I want to be home in bed crying. I mean I love the rain but today it's not fun, it just reminds me of everything that was taken away by the Hurricane. Write me something make it feel better make me let go, I mean why do I hold on? This year's accomplishments have been beautiful, can you believe it...a whole year and not one fight sure many battles but no fights. I miss New Orleans so much. What do u do with that chemistry? Put it in a jar? I mean we are a perfect fit, you think I can market and sell it and maybe become rich? We've accomplished so much...way more than folks who's been married to New Orleans for 50 years have, and we did it all in a year. Do you know what it means to Miss New Orleans, I don't think so unless you've experienced New Orleans, shared New Orleans music, talked with New Orleans, Sat out on the lake with New Orleans, Danced with New Orleans, ate with New Orleans, you'll never know. So don't try to comfort me I'm just having a moment. I miss my New Orleans and the longer I stay away my feelings get stronger (paraphrasing from the Louie Armstrong song). The feelings for my New Orleans are stronger than they've ever been but even though we were once a perfect fit, it's time to close that chapter in my life. I love you New Orleans from the day we met always have and always will. I just have to say it one more time, and I'll never say it again...I love you New Orleans. Remember the nights we watched the stars New Orleans?

It's the WeEkEnD bAbY!

2005-11-18T16:15:00.000-08:00

It's Friday and tonight I am giong see Kanye West *crying* I am beyond excited! I think that is why my work day is dragging on and on. I am bored outta my freakin mind and Baby is still at work I think, I tried calling him earlier, it's cold and I wanna dress sexy tonight and we all know 20 degree weather + sexy= cold as all the damn! Baby and I are going to this club called Bell Bottoms (they play all 80's music) this should be interesting. I promised myself no drinking (who am I kidding) I just wish the time would pass!

Today

2005-11-18T11:13:00.000-08:00

Today I read a post on a blog that I read often, I like reading my brothers and sisters blogs especially if they're funny. I particually liked this two part post that was on this blog it was asking questions about PORN and the issues with it. It made me revisit some very dark and ugly places that I've tried to forget. Then the light bulb came on, you never forget (which I knew that) you're not suppose to forget where you came from. It's our testimony, what you have to say may deliver someone else. You see after we become free from bondages Satan is already in a huff and just down right ticked off. Because he has now lost probably one of his most faithful Hell's angels (don't sit there like you weren't enlisted in his army). So what he does now is try to make you ashamed of your past, and most times it works. We're free from that particular sin, God has forgiven us, but we're too ashamed of the sin itself, too worried about what other people will think of us. Well you know what God has set me free I was an alcoholic whore basically (and that's putting it nicely). But he didn't call me by my sin he called me by my name...God called me Neecha His beautiful daughter, it didn't matter to him that I would drink myself into comas, it didn't matter that I (and this is how my sister put it) was Ms. Thank you for the good screw but Peace out! (she didn't put it that nice) Oh yeah did I also mention I cheated on my ex hushand? Now I paid dearly for my sins no sin goes unpunished! They're forgiven if you repent and mean it but darnit God is gonna spank ya...because He tells us what to do and what not to do. God didn't hold my sins against me. I have been down so many dark roads in my life but I must say that God has kept his promise that He would be a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path once I decided to walk with Him. As I continue this walk with Him I get tossed about at times, turned around and I even get knocked off track, what's so wonderful is God never lets go of me...I may turn His hand loose but He never leaves me nor forsake me. So I say to you all who's been delivered by our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ from our sins Let the WORLD know that it's true HE WHO THE SON SETS FREE IS FREE INDEED! Thank you Jesus! This is why I refer to myself as AnGeL wItH a BrOkEn WiNg

I need a hair dresser

2005-11-17T13:51:00.000-08:00

Ok I have been in timbucktoo alabama for 2 months and I need a hair dresser! I am tired of ponytails donuts and straw curls! I am sitting here at my desk doing the final count down! I need to take this thing out of my freaking head, it itches, it's tight and I just want my hair cut. Anybody who knows me knows that I like my hair short, even though I've been nick named the weave queen. Tomorrow is the Kanye West concert if I don't find a hair dresser in the next few minutes I will have to wear one of my old standby styles. Just another reason to miss New Orleans, my hair girl would hook me up anytime day or night and now her ass is all the way in Houston not to mention she has my God daughter Deja and I miss my baby like nobody's business.

Here's to You PiMpIn!

2005-11-17T11:00:00.000-08:00

I would like to send a great big ole congratulations to one of my bestest friends in the world...Brandon aka Pimpin! Pimpin is what I like to call him(he's an intellectual pimp, Pimpin the system that says Black Men Won't or Can't Succeed) well he's showing them! Pimpin completing his degree in Engineering at the University of Louisiana in Lafayette on December 17th! I'm sorry I won't be able to attend this blessed event because of a venue change and a limit on the tickets.

Thank You Pimpin for wanting me there but give my ticket to a family member and send me the dvd. I remember watching you preach this summer (sorry I cut outta there so fast) and I also recall when you can to my youth banquet people thought you were the speaker for that night. We've discussed what other people think you should be doing or what they thought you should be doing. But never forget there "IS" a calling on your life. Be Blessed in all you do and you know if you ever need a prayer, spiritual guidance or a hot dog I'm just a phone call away but your hot dog may be cold by the time you get it! (LoL) I saw this picture and it made me smile and think of you and things to come!

Peace and Blessings Pimpin.

Kisses from A.J.

Just in case anyone is wondering A.J. is a nickname Pimpin gave me and it stands for Apple Joy because I love apples and I'm a Joy to behold! (Hahahaha!)

I Love You Real Much

2005-11-16T15:18:00.000-08:00

If you want to see the man who swept me off my feet and captured my heart check him out here or should I say check us out at the link below. I Love you Real Much Peace and Blessings

Happy Birthday to My SuPeRsTaR!

2005-11-10T15:40:00.000-08:00

I would like to wish my Darling SuperStar a very Happy and Blessed Birthday! I love you MOre than Jon Loves Ketchup...(I can hear NeeNee saying "That's a lot of Love"). Let me tell you about my Shining SuperStar... Her name is Laneecha named after me Neecha her mommy, It was 11 years ago today I looked at my then husband and calmly said..."this thing has got to come out of me now!" Of course he laughed but I was dead ass serious, Yall that lil heffa was LATE! I was going CRAZY she kept kicking me and I had the worst heart burn and headaches, anyway after I announced to him again that this thing had to come out of me and take me to the hospital he looked in my face and saw the pain in my eyes and rushed me to the hospital. I gave birth to my SuperStar at 1:32 pm I looked at that child and began to cry Yall she was so UGLY to me! Of course me being me and not able to control what comes up it came out how UGLY she was Lmaoooo! My husband was mad at me that man wouldnt speak to me for two days after that. I apologized and my baby was beautiful but yall know what them lil critters look like when they get here. My baby actually had a worried look on her face like she had the weight of the world on her shoulders. That was probably because of all the fussing and fighting me and her dad did, it was not a happy preganacy. Anywho, I looked at my baby and saw the bigger blessing...see before I conceived SuperStar I had gotten pregnant and that baby died along with a part of me. So God being God bestowed upon me the honor of being this childs temporary custodian. Thank you Jesus for my baby girl, I thank you for her beauty outward and inward, I thank you for commanding me to raise her up in Your way and now she knows and loves you. Thank you for her beautiful voice and that killer smile thank for her temper Lord she is so much like me and her dad it's scary. Thank you for all you've done. Amen *Disclaimer* I do not think my baby is ugly she is the MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD as far as I'm concerned. Here is a picture of Me Jon Jeff and SuperStar the day I came home from the hospital with her. My boys were so happy we were home And here is what my SuperStar looks like today(The Smiling Diva with curls) That's me all gorgeous and stuff and the other girl is my neice Chelle

Rolling My Eyes Part 2

2005-11-10T09:54:00.000-08:00

Ok today is a new day, yesterday was a blessing to behold but I had it bad. Everything and everybody worked on my nerves. It got so bad yesterday I had to take a break move away from my desk and go in the bathroom to cry. I fought my way to biblestudy last night and one of the elders of the church (a female) was lecturing on the life of Lydia I've heard her name in the bible but I need to do more research. The first thing I heard this sister say was "When God changes your plans Stop Pouting". I could have fell off the pew she was talking to me! Not only had I been pouting I was throwing a down right tantrum!!!! Then she went on to say when God says go GO in FAITH! It was so awesome, no doubt the only thing that concerned me was not one person said hello good night how are you nothing. I'm not use to that being from New Orleans we greet new faces and we sit and visit a spell with the old. I guess that's just one of the things I'll have to get use to. One thing Deacon Harris shared during his teaching time was that God has reached way down to some of the darkest demonic places and pulled HIS people out and tears welled up in my eyes because I was there down in the pits of Hell that is where he pulled me from. I was so entangled in sin my whole life was just a big ole Sin Fest...Thank You Jesus for seeing in me what nobody else could see not even me...Thank you that you had a purpose for my life Thank you for your Mercy it was your Mercy that plucked me out of that pit. I love you more with every passing minute, you never cease to amaze me. Today I walk in faith knowing that the Promises of God are true today I hold on to the Promise that God will NEVER leave me or FORSAKE me, Today I hold on to the promise that His word will be a lamp unto my feet and a light for my path that His word will Guide me every step of the way. He didn't promise to supply some of my needs he said He'll supply ALL of my needs and I THANK YOU JESUS! He is my protection my love my everything! And today I'm not rolling my eyes and there is nothing these people can do to work my nerves. Today I'm smiling and praising God. Thats all I have to say about that.

Let the Good Times Roll Again!

2005-11-09T15:01:00.000-08:00

Buy this shirt to help benefit folk like me who lost everything. Its a real cool shirt. Benefiting the Victims of Hurricane Katrina http://www.thegoodtimeswillrollagain.org/ I ordered one and I think I'll order one for baby too.

Rolling my Eyes

2005-11-09T12:03:00.000-08:00

I thank God that I'm no longer the woman I use to be! But sometimes I'd like to be her just for an hour or two a day. In that hour or two per day I'd roll punch drop kick cuss the hell outta anybody that ticked me off! Like Miss DumbDumb, if she sits on her fat ass and yells Neeeeeeeechaaaaaaaaaa from her office one more time....(yeah if I was that old NeeNee I'd ask her what the Fck do you want and why are you yelling so damn loud!?) But I'm not her anymore. I'd also flip the bird to every rude student and block their student accounts when they came in my office with that entitlement attitude. *Rolling my eyes* I miss home...New Orleans I do I feel like crying because I miss my babies from the church, tonight we'd be practicing for our youth ministry drama/dance presentation. I miss my prayer partners, I don't have anybody to pray with at 5 in the morning. I miss Pastor Dalton calling me at work just to check on me (he's like a big brother to me). I miss choir rehersal even though we call it rehersal we were actually Praising! I saw a student on campus today and he had on a Tulane sweat shirt and it made me smile. I actually miss my job at Tulane I worked with some disgusting yet cool people and they all love me and I love them and I miss them and oddly enough I Miss Maria the most. She worked my nerves but she took good care of me I call her Momma Maria. I miss Jackie, we would sit at my house and drink that Hennessy and just trip clean out...in her words "Girlfriend we some Pretty Bitches"...I would kill myself laughing at her. I miss my cleaning lady, her mom, which is my moms best friend died when the water came in RIP Ms. Wiline. I miss sitting on momma's porch watching the baseball games and watching St Augustine's Band practicing. I'm sad because my son worked so hard to pass the LEAP and he put so much into band and now he is starting all over and may not even graduate on time because of the storm and this state graduation requirements. I miss Wookie's friend Malik yelling outside my door "Miss Neecha can Wookie come out and Play" dang that child has a big mouth! I have to keep telling myself that God is in control not me God and he knows what is best for me I am His and He do as He pleases and everything that He does is for my Good and not Bad. I have to keep reminding myself that we suffer as a consequence for our sin that God forgives me but I still have to take my punishment (I don't see the storm as a punishment in case you're wondering). I just have to remember that. I miss Momma Deborah I didn't know I could love someone the way I love that lady. As far back as my mind can take me she's always been there in my corner cheering me on wiping my tears praying for me giving advice sharing secrets and helping me kick ass and take names....I miss my other momma so damn much. I cried like a baby when I had to leave her on my last visit. I couldn't drive I had to pull over and let Brandon drive, he gave me a hug I felt better for a minute and cried some more. I miss hearing Brandon pull up outside my house playing Diamonds by Kanye West. I miss late nights on the lake alone watching the stars and the fish jump out the water. I miss eating crawfish on the lake with the kids, watching them run up the hill and roll down. I miss having lunch with Cliff once a week, and we'd talk about anything and everything. I miss exercise class three times a week I miss my morning walk around St. Roch park. I miss Kim and Lisa and our Margarita night, but most of all I miss praying with Kim. I will not let depression set in I will not wallow in self pity, I will cry a few minutes pray and move on. That's what I have to keep telling myself. Ok I am ending this post now because I'm starting to cry.

And the song of the week is......

2005-11-04T16:41:00.000-08:00

~Dangerously in Love by Beyonce~ *Claps and Snaps* Settle down Settle down (I'm actually talking to myself) I was trying to describe it and put it into words, everytime I wrap my mind around it all (which is all day everyday) this is the song that plays over and over in my head. Baby I love you, you are my life…My happiest moments weren’t complete if you weren’t by my side….You’re my relation and connection to the sun….With you next to me, there’s no darkness I can’t overcome….You are my raindrops, I am the seed….With you and God who’s my sunlight I’m blooming, grown so beautifully….Baby I’m so proud, proud to be your girl…You make the confusion go all away from this cold and misty world….I am in love with you ….You set me free….I can’t do this thing called life without you here with me….Cause I’m dangerously in love with you… (~Beyonce~) Long after the guests have departed this will be the song we dance to in the middle of the floor, on the day we'll forever call our Real Much day.

I asked him

2005-11-03T12:00:00.000-08:00

I asked him what he was doing...he replied "falling in love with you" I asked him what did he want from me...he replied,"everything" I asked him why and his simple reply was, "because I said so" I smiled he smiled we exhaled and did the crackhead dance...together Lmaoooooo! It'll never make sense to the outside world but it sures makes sense to me. I asked him why me, his reply "why not you?" I smiled. I asked him what was he looking at, his reply "those beautiful brown eyes" He loves my down south accent he thinks it's sexy yall. He says I make him feel special...why wouldn't I, he's beautiful He says that he knows I love him...why wouldn't I, he's beautiful I asked him could we spend the rest of our lives getting to know one another on a deeper level? He replied Yes that is why God allowed me to find you. The Bible says, He who Finds a Wife Finds a good thing.... He asked me to be His wife yall, I am his good thing. I asked him why was he smiling...he replied "because I love you" my reply to his reply..."I love you too ReAl mUcH" A poem by QuEeNjOyA © Neecha Turner 2005

Feel Better

2005-11-02T11:48:00.000-08:00

I hope you feel better.

I'll call you to check on ya later.

Peace and Blessings

I love you REAL MUCH

2005-11-02T11:07:00.000-08:00

Real Much... Real like our love of rain Real like the look as you stare into our future Real like Popeyes Chicken Real like Tatoos on Hips Real like having no babies Real like from your hair folicles to your toe nails Real like the LoNg drive from you to me to you Real like becoming one Real like "opps that slipped" Real like "Lord please don't take him from me" Real like the night you were rushed to the emergency room Real like waking up to your smile Real like waiting for your calls Real like Sunday morning service (You sure look nice in that suit) Real like cuddling Real like you watching me sleep Real like me praying for you as you sleep Real like the meal served once you're healed ( alot of love goes into those meals) Real like dodging you for weeks Real like finally responding thinking to myself (thank ya Jesus!) Glad I did Real like letting me pass out and not bothering me because you know I'm tired Real like me catering to your every need Real like me in a batman suit jumping outta tree Real like spiral curls and a gardenia in my hair Real like mango body butter me rubbing your feet hands and anything else, your wish is my command Real like our forever together And this is just the beginning Much more to us than what they think Much is just big alot overwhelming Much is us on trips, dates, and randon walks and talks Much is you Much is me Much is our love So today I say to you Cancer Male I love you Real Much A poem by QuEeNjOyA © Neecha Turner 2005

Boyz in the Burbs!

2005-10-31T09:45:00.000-08:00

On Aaron McGruder's new Cartoon Network series 'The Boondocks,' no one is safe—not even Rosa Parks. http://msnbc.msn.com/id/9785347/site/newsweek/ Can I just say one more time for the record that the Boondocks ROCKS! I'm a fan I'll always be a fan and I wish whoever broke into my house after we evacuated for Hurricane Katrina and stole my Brand NEW Boondocks books Brandon brought me for my Bday, I hope you choke on a chicken bone! Coming soon to the Cartoon Network Adult Swim segment is the animated version of my beloved comic. Yall please tune in. Is Aaron McGruder not the cutest lil angry man you've ever seen? You have to love his refreshing honesty and his courage to speak his natural black mind. Tune in November 6th 2005 to the Cartoon Network.

Grace Grace Grace Follow him Follow her

2005-10-31T08:47:00.000-08:00

I slipped and fell it's all my fault, I saw it coming yet I ignored, i-ma-gi-nation get out of my head! fight to remember what I READ. You said you'd have... as much grace as I need and I truly repent as I fell to my knees condemnation came down I ran out the door and still I heard this voice cry "Grace Grace Grace follow him follow her ohh Graceeee. Nina's favorite song by Lisa McClenndon You should hear her sing...Yall the lil sister is awesome! Am I saying that because she's my daughter HELL YEAH! Momma baby can sang! She really can and one day she was walking around the house as she often times do, singing this song. The words registered thru so clearly just went straight to my soul. It was as if I was hearing it for the first time. Thinking WoW God's Grace is following me around walking right behind me on the side of me and alot of the time right in front of me. Definitition of Grace according to Webster: Divine love and protection bestowed freely on people. The state of being protected or sanctified by the favor of God. An excellence or power granted by God. Am I in a state of being protected or sanctified by the favor of God? Do I take advantage of His divine love and protection which He bestows freely on people? Am I walking in the excellence and power granted by God? All I know is yet again I am at his throne of Mercy asking for forgiveness not allowing myself to wallow in sin repenting and pouring out my heart before Him. One day I'll get it right until that day comes I have to rely on His GrAcE and what's gRaCe without HiS MeRcy which by websters definition means compassionate treatement kindness and forgiveness. I know I didn't go as deep as I should have gone with this but the study will be out real soon. Peace and Blessings P.S. If this makes absolutely no sense to you leave a post and I will help make it clear for you.

I'm going see Kanye West

2005-10-27T15:32:00.000-07:00

Many people may not know this but I'm a huge Kanye West fan and I'm going to see him in concert in Birmingham on November 18th 2005 Yeppie! Anyway I'll be sure to post pictures and all the details here. Ummmm anybody wanna go with me? Peace and Blessings

I got nothing but love for YA baby

2005-10-26T16:04:00.000-07:00

To all my brothers out there who just love and adore big gurls...here's a kiss to ya *muahhhhhhh* I have a brother his name is Larry and I love Larry but you know sometimes I don't like him, but I admire him because as long as I've known him (30 years) he's been in love with BIG GURLS! Even in high school he had a thickun. He married a thickun he cheated on his wife with a couple of thickuns and now he is currently re-married to another thickun...she's a super plus girl too. Cliff I got nothing but love for you baby cause you love your big girls, especially the ones with yellow rollers in they hair! My Will I got nothing but love for you baby cause you love your big girls, especially the ones that drink crown and watch football...Crowne Royal Saturday! Yeah Baby! Brandon I got nothing but love for you baby cause you love your big girls, especially the ones with fat bottoms and no seeds! (He's an intellectual ass man yall) His woman gotta have ass and brains. If I would have known...we'd planting those seeds in our garden, watering them and watching em grow *sigh* MoViNg oN Ray Charles I got super love for you cause you love yourself some big girls, in all your 43 years here on earth and your 28 years of pimpin you've NEVER been with a skinny gurl. Marcus I got nothing but love for you baby cause you a big boy like big toys and love your big gurls. Chris Brown you know I don't have love for ya but I have to give you a Big Ups cause you love them big girls as well. You married the same big gurl twice and since the divorce ya been dealing only in the bigness (Gotta give it up to ya!) P.S. Send me my child support check I know ya got cha FEMA money! My oldest brother Freddie Boo 37 years young I've never seen him with a skinny girl neva eva eva! I love you brother! I remember that time you were blowed and you saw me across the parking lott didn't know who I was trying to play on ya own sister I told you to stop smoking that weed dude! Yall when he realized it was his baby sister he nearly passed out! Jaboo I got that 8th ward animal love for ya cause you the coolest and ya kept big momma grovin. Not only do you love big gurls you don't mind if they're taller than you! I nearly died that day Joy hemmed you up in that corner and beat that ass for ya...all because you were caught with ANOTHER big gurl! My brother in law Will got nothing but love for you baby. You married my sister for one, ya still married to her for two, and you haven't killed that evil bastid. That day we talked and you told me about how skinny women throw themselves at you but you only want and love big gurls...you've been my hero every since. To Jeffery aka Wookie my baby boy...I see it in him he loves big girls already! I'm praying for his future mate that she is the reflection of the Proverbs 31 shawty and his plus size diva...Momma loves ya! I saved the best for last cause....(I betcha can't do it like that Ha!) That stupid ass song is stuck in my head THanks shawty cuz. Lamar says..."full figured women are so sexy", I got nothing but love for you baby, but you clumsy... we gone get bent behind that lac tint! You have to show me how to do the 1 2 step so I don't look like a retard on the dance floor. Kisses Kisses Kisses Kisses! Now the men mentioned above have touched my life in some way or another and I appreciate and love them all in different ways...Thank you brothers for not hiding your love for us in the closet. We are programmed to form opinions about folks and most times before we get to know them, and one alarming trend that I've noticed is the high number of men who has this perception of us big girls being desparate for a man! Brother let me tell ya something, there are some Fuller Figured Women (because most times our figures are beyond full...they be running ova)they do have low self esteem but me I be banging! I love me! I'm sexy as hell a Divine Diva Supreme...check the name QueenJoya there is a meaning to that name because at 300lbs or 100lbs I be a Queen and I know that I am a Joy to behold, Beautiful to the 100th power, Spiritual loving my God and serving Him with JOY, beautiful in HIS eyes, and you know if you weren't so bent on what society thinks of YOU...you'd admit it baby I GOT IT GOING ON! That's cool your what we call the other DL brother...be loving them big girls on the down low all in the closet and shit. Yall I have to tell you I give a brother one shot to prove his loyalty to his preference, if that bruh don't want to go out on a date in public but be all up on me in private I cut him looser than bowels after collard greens. That's a weak link I had one of my girlfriends to tell me I was wrong for doing that, and maybe he's a home body, I was like girlfriend get the brick, give it to me so I can pop you in the head with it. (She does have self esteem issues she defines her beauty and self worth in a man.) If I seem arogant about me...I am, if I seem stuck on myself...I am, If I come off a tad bit conceited yeah I have to admit it I am, Because I gotta love me! I Love Neecha!!! Can't sit around and wait for you to do it You too busy trying to keep the door to your closet closed. For your viewing pleasure... The chocolate sister she be me All Sexy and stuff The caramel sister she be my Big Sister! And the White gurl on the end that's my Miss Poose one of very best friends...and what's so cool about this picture I'd wear a swimsuit exactly like that, my sister would definitely sport a two piece and Miss Poose loves the hell outta cats, as matter of fact Miss Poose is the name of her favorite cat.

Is this stuff true?

2005-10-25T13:59:00.000-07:00

Ok ok I took this romantic compatibility test using my zodiac sign and several OTHER signs now this is the best set of results I've received out of all the other signs. My question now is where is my Cancer Male? I don't really care for horoscopes because I've been told that this stuff is THE DEVIL! But wow....Cancer male if you are reading this tell me what you think about it. Romantic Compatibility Provided by Astrology.com Cancer & Virgo When Cancer and Virgo make a love match, a strong, down-to-earth relationship with staying power is the happy result. This is a relationship with great potential to get better and better over the passing years. Both Cancer and Virgo are goal-oriented and disciplined. They are sincere and devoted to one another and share a strong sense of purpose. No lightweight love here: These two were not really built for flings! Cancer and Virgo deeply admire one another: Virgo respects Cancer's quiet strength and dedication while Cancer appreciates Virgo's keen adaptability and intelligence. These lovers may get off to a slow start, but over time, bonds will only grow stronger. The Cancer-Virgo love match prides itself on common sense and strong principles over fluff and inconsequential or fleeting connections. They enjoy the material comforts of life, but they will only feel good about their bounty if it has come as a result of honest hard work. There could be tiffs if Virgo becomes too critical for Cancer's easily bruised feelings; Cancer needs to understand that it's just Virgo's nature to point out what they observe, that it's not a personal attack. A Virgo may bristle at their Cancer mate's stubborn streak, but it's a trait that a patient and understanding love partner like Virgo could come to appreciate. Also, Virgo's urge to serve suits Cancer's affectionate, nurturing nature well. The Moon (Emotion) rules Cancer, and Mercury (Communication) rules Virgo. Though they're very different planets, they're both near the Sun and therefore always in one another's neighborhoods. The Moon is a mothering influence; it's about cultivation and fostering growth, which are both central concerns for Cancer. Mercury is all about communication, and it's an androgynous energy -- Virgo will adapt and take on the form that it chooses, the guise that best serves a situation. Virgo takes an intellectual approach to life (especially compared to the emotional Cancer), but still manages to be perceptive and intuitive enough to figure others out if they choose. Good thing for the Crab, then, that a Virgo mate can get a feel for devotion and domestic fulfillment if that's what their Cancer lover desires. These two won't argue about fulfilling one another's needs. They'll work at it and relish the rewards of their conscientiousness. Cancer is a Water Sign, and Virgo is an Earth Sign. Earth Signs, true to their name, are down-to-earth, but they can also be materialistic and preoccupied with acquisition. The Cancer-Virgo love partners like to surround themselves with comfortable, well-crafted things. Water Signs rely on feeling and intuition, making Cancer the emotive force behind this relationship, in a subtle Cancer way, of course. Along with their desire for prosperity, their love of a fancy home life ensures that this couple will work hard toward this shared goal. Also, they're practical pair, and losing control is never really an issue. Cancer is a Cardinal Sign, and Virgo is a Mutable Sign. While Cancer gets things going, Virgo thrives on a changing routine of responsibilities and challenges. Because they're so ubiquitous, Virgo will find a place in Cancer's plans if they really want to. Virgo will keep in mind Cancer's plans, and will eventually bring results even if Cancer has moved on. What's the best aspect of Cancer-Virgo relationship? Their dedication to working toward the same goals. Both partners in this love match enjoy a stable home life and nice things, and Virgo truly enjoys helping Cancer along the way to achieving their goals. Their shared goals and desires make theirs a highly compatible love match.

Home is filled with pain...An Obiturary

2005-10-24T16:05:00.000-07:00

Home is where the hatred is Home is filled with pain and it might not be such a bad idea if I neva went home again... As Brandon and I drove back to New Orleans this is the song that played over and over again. It was an adventure to say the least, very emotional, it angered me to see what they've done to my city. New Orleans was a unique place it had a soul it was alive, be it good or be it bad and most times it was bad, the city was alive. On August 28th or 29th the city of New Orleans La New Orleans was founded in 1718 by Jean Baptiste Le Moyne, sieur de Bienville, and named for the regent of France, Philippe II, duc d'Orleans. It remained a French colony until 1763, when it was transferred to the Spanish. In 1800, Spain ceded it back to France; in 1803, New Orleans, along with the entire Louisiana Purchase, was sold by Napoleon I to the United States. It was the site of the Battle of New Orleans (1815) in the War of 1812. Died due to two large explosions causing breaches in the levee system. Even though the local goverment is still trying to rescitate New Orleans funeral arrangements have been made by the local residents who've lost their loved ones all of their belongings and are now displaced due to this CRIME. Look at this! A crime! It's no conspiracy theory they did this shit! New Orleans was a city in southern Louisiana, located on the Mississippi River. Most of the city is situated on the east bank, between the river and Lake Pontchartrain to the north. Because it was built on a great turn of the river, it is known as the Crescent City. New Orleans, with a population of 496,938 (1990 census), is the largest city in Louisiana and one of the principal cities of the South. It was established on the high ground nearest the mouth of the Mississippi, which is 177 km (110 mi) downstream. Elevations range from 3.65 m (12 ft) above sea level to 2 m (6.5 ft) below; as a result, an ingenious system of water pumps, drainage canals, and levees has been built to protect the city from flooding. The city covers a land area of 518 sq km (200 sq mi). In 1913, Albert Baldwin Wood, A Sewerage and Water Board engineer, developed the screw pump that gave New Orleans a fighting chance in the war against the water that surrounds it. Staying dry is quite a battle for a city below sea level, surrounded by the Mississippi River, Lake Pontchartrain and other bayous and swamps, and with one of the highest rainfall rates in the country. In 1928, Wood designed a 14-foot version of his pump. Almost 50 of Wood's originals are still in use in New Orleans today. This why so many people drowned it's 2005 you do the math! Survivors include a corrupt group of political elitest who need to be drop kicked off the face of this earth. RN, KB, and too many to name but you read the paper...its those piss asses who continue to argue on a daily basis over stuff that don't matter Rebuild your new tourist attraction and stop occupying space on the news and the newspapers. OTHER survivors include lost and homeless children, the elderly and handicapped (all of whom are displaced), thousands of citizens of New Orleans. All of them mourning the loss of their loved, personal possessions, jobs, homes, friends, and to add insult to injury FEMA is holding their deceased relatives dead bodies hostage. A funeral service will be held today all are invited there will be no repass seeing as though there's no running water food are electricity in the poorer parts of the city. To help victims of this travisty that they've name Hurricane Katrina Victims, please donate directly to the people instead of sending flowers and cards. Damn all these agencies who say they are helping us because they're not. People relocated to other cities and states who don't have transportation jobs friends near by or that much heavily relied upon family unit. People with with hearts are needed to help them out. Give em a ride a hug a prayer take them to church or a grocery store just do something. And for God sake our proper name is Citizens of the United States of America not Refugees. © Neecha Turner 2005

The Sweetest Thing

2005-10-24T15:26:00.000-07:00

Can I say for the record that I am a Fan and I cannont locate a copy of Love Jones on dvd no where in Tuscaloosa! (WTF!#$%!??) **Update** Thank you Brandon for finding Love Jones on DVD for me. Kisses Love Jones experiences happen everyday all over the world, alot of times we dismiss them but their are some who act upon that first glance, that inviting smile, or even a note from BP or some other site where people gather to interact intellectually, spiritually etc etc. I can truly say that I have had my Love Jones (love at first sight experience) The first time was years ago I was a teenager when he and I met we hit it off instantly and by the time I was seventeen we were engaged but two weeks before my 18th birthday he was killed. I was devastated and angry and I ended up in an ok relationship that turned into an abusive marriage. Never get into a relationship on the rebound. I have gone thru many things because I made bad decisions, but my ability to love and see the love in others has remained in tact. My second encounter makes me smile it was instantly. I knew, I saw our entire life together when I looked into his eyes (those eyes are so beautiful). I'd rather not discuss the details but I will say.......(Doing the crack head dance) Bet cha can't do it like me! (ha!) Bet cha can't do it like me! (ha!)

I'm really starting to like this place

2005-10-19T09:11:00.000-07:00

God has a way of answering prayers where only He get's the Glory, Father God, for this day I praise you! For waking us up this morning I praise you...who else but You could call me out of a slumber Thank You Lord! You have blessed in only ways you can Bless. The prayers you've answered one by one...You are awesome. Father so many days and nights I would look at my uncle and just shake my head and I would think there's no hope for him he's been a drunk and a crack head too long and he don't want to clean up. But God you in your infinite power! Thank you Jesus that not only is he clean but he's in a dry county where he can't get alcohol and drugs are just out of the question. He told my mom he don't even desire it anymore. Praise you Lord Thank You Jesus! Father help people to see that no matter what state they are in that Hurricane Katrina and Rita were wake up calls for some blessings for others and your way of purifying that city. Lord Thank that we didn't perish in that hell thank you father that we weren't cut down by the bullets that were flying day and night. Thank you Father for keeping my sons the enemy has it out for young black men and when you blew Katrina through there you put a kink in the devils plan, Thank You! Father some people didn't survive the flooding after the storms but Lord I have to rest in the fact that it was in your plans. As I read the bible the old testament is full of your acts of wrath, I remember my prayer time, crying out to you Lord that something in our city had to change and God you answered that prayer, I can't question how you move, or your timing all I can say is I love you Lord Thank you for sparing me...because who am I that you didn't allow me to parish. Father I just have to let you know just in case I don't show it that you are my world. I pray that someone reads this prayer and come to know you in a REAL way. I pray for all the families who aren't adjusting in wake of the storm I pray for the families who've lost loved ones, I pray for the families who are still trying to locate loved ones Father I pray that they turn to you for comfort guidance and direction. Lord I thank that you are my guide and that every step of this journey has been ordered by you. Thank you Father that everytime depression has tried to set in you've shown me why You are the Joy of my salvation. Father I just continue to lift up families everywhere and my family as well that we just learn to or continue to be Thankful in all things. Amen

Hmmmm I was just thinking about you

2005-10-17T00:19:00.000-07:00

The song of the week is Cross my Mind by Jill Scott The woman can sang yes I said sang! The last line of the song is what makes me smile the most...after she sings about their sexual experiences, and how a-ma-zing they were, she brings everything back to the center. "But the reality, honestly: You were no for good me And I was no good for you. I just remember what we used to do." Can you put it more eloquently? Nope! I'm happy you married her now she can walk around in an incomplete state, totally paranoid, I pray for her seeing as though you were still persuing me up until the day before you married her. You really thought I was just that weak? He who the SON sets FREE is FREE INDEED! I remember how we contemplated marriage, babies, the house and the whole white picket fence dream but the reality of it was... I was never good for you and you were never good for me. Don't be mad at me when you read chapter 7 of my book, I always told you I would write a book and somewhere in there you'd appear. Names have been changed and events have been slightly altered because I know your bitch ass would try to sue me. You know I'm telling the truth. Any how I'm in a happy place and I only have My God to Thank for that he has healed those wounds inflicted upon me by you, and because I know what the definition of a man is and have touched smelled, kissed, & tasted real love I will always refer to you as a bitch ass (lol). And you will always remind me of Hot Johnny and the Women who loved Him. Ya Just running across my mind!!!!!!!!

Boondocks

2005-10-14T23:15:00.000-07:00

Aaron McGruder is a brilliant young african american artist/activist/leader of the revolution. Can you just tell I am in love with this young man?

Well since you brought it up

2005-10-14T15:48:00.000-07:00

You need to quit playing hard to get and let's do the damn thing. See they did it! This is what I was laughing so hard at when we were on the phone earlier. I hope you laugh out loud and feel better (you sounded so down on the phone and that does not make me happy). For the record to sound platonically correct I'm just joking *wink* Wink*

Happily Single my Ass

2005-10-13T10:25:00.000-07:00

I had an Aha! moment a while back and one of my favorite devotions, I shared with cyberspace. It dealt with waiting on God and the right person for you and all that good stuff, (God's Plan for Your Mate) I have been meditating on it. But what happens when you get horney? Happily single ain't so happy when you want some strong arms to hold you at night. I know right now I'm contradicting my previous post and by NO means is this a diss against God or the plan he has for my future mate, I'm just venting and as I remember correctly my God say I can take everything to Him in Prayer. So this is my prayer Lord I am not Happily Single I want my strong arms, you created man and woman and you designed us to desire one another I desire to have my other half, I'm trying to wait for You because I didn't do good at picking the first one. I know it's some stuff I need to learn but can I have the cliff notes or something? True Love Waits that's what I teach the teenagers and my own children and I even made the commitment with them, but can I ask you just how long do a sista have to wait before you hook her up? I know Lord that there are some women and men out there who are waiting for you and they're dealing with sexual sin, lonliness, unequally yoking themselves and stuff so on behalf of them Lord help us we need you, I know your thoughts are not my thoughts and you have your own time table for everything so I have to respect that you know what's best for me/us. Daddy I was just venting I can wait I have no choice I sure don't want to jeopordize my relationship with you and get hooked to something that I can't get rid of so I'll keep waiting but today I'm not very happy. I love you and Thank you Lord you've brought me a mighty long way. Kisses from your daughter aN AnGeL with a bRoKeN WiNg

Something is going on

2005-10-11T15:14:00.000-07:00

Something is going on yall I can't explain it, I tried explaining it to Brandon last night but the words weren't coming out right so I just shut up. But God is stirring me...moving me into the that next realm we all long to dwell in with Him. He's not allowing me to sit still. There's something in my heart that has to come out and when it does it's going to bring healing to someone who's going thru and give someone else hope. God has brought me thru many trials and tribulations and I'm still here for a reason. There were times when Satan was trying to steal my sanity I remember the attacks! Today God is saying hold on, hold on to Him and He will see you thru whatever it is that has you bound. Brandon, my darling, my friend my confidant, my prayer partner, my inspiration you have definitely set the bar mighty high!...you were right you are going far and will do great things your words last night left me speechless, I know now that in those times when (ME) I am speechless those are times to talk to God. You will get over this We will get over this. I'm so excited, it's all starting to make sense. Look for it...coming soon. .

Adjusting

2005-10-10T10:46:00.000-07:00

Adjusting is just A detour in going where you thought you were intended to be. If that makes sense, it may only make sense in my mind hey the title of this blog is Inside the Soul of QUEENJOYA and no one else. My family and I are adjusting well to living in Alabama as far as I can tell. I need what people are calling closure...it's driving me not knowing exactly how much damage my home sustained in Hurricane's Katrina and Rita. So I will be driving down their very soon to take a look see at the damage. I went to church yesterday it was Wonderful, it felt like home, I'll be attending biblestudy on Wednesday and worship service again next Sunday. I'm also dropping in on their youth day which is Saturday you know NeeNee loves the kids. This may be it...I just have to keep praying.

It's a never ending saga

2005-10-07T08:25:00.000-07:00

Last night as we capped of a two day celebration of Chelle's 20th birthday, I decided to call my baby brother also known as the love of my life Jason. His step mom answered the phone and informed me that he and my dad were on their way to see me. Of course I sat their with my mouth hanging open shocked and delited, it was a Surprise! I then called my dad's cellphone and we chit chatted and they asked me for directions and told me to wait up. I didn't I went to sleep. I was so rudely awakened by Jason banging constantly on my front door. We sat up all night laughing and talking and mind you my dad is a preacher so it was more preaching than talking. The news is not reporting everything about what is and has happened in New Orleans...yall it's bad my brother told me to forget about my house and my dad forbid me to go back. My brother couldn't even get in my moms house the water moved the furniture across the door and you know the rest. Mold and mildew is eating our homes and stuff alive. But the sad thing is FEMA... my dad had tried coming to pick up his mom but the guards and police turned him around and you know old folks set in their ways she refused to leave. Well FEMA told my dad that no one was in the house she must be in a shelter that the recuers did a walk thru of the house. Well last week the landlord went in the house and found her in their dead. She died trying to get up on the stove to escape the flood waters. They won't tell him were her body is so we can't even lay her to rest. I refer to him as my dad because he was my moms second husband and he stepped up after my dad passed away...well actually before. I hated this man growing up I mean words can't adequately describe my feelings for this man growing up ...I had to take this hatred to God and he worked on me, this morning he met my daughter for the first time she'll be 11 November 10th and he met my baby boy for the second time and was just floored that my oldest boy was just as tall as him if not taller. We took pictures yall will get to see a picture of me and the old man I've called dad for 23 years. As I type this God is revealing to me the power of FORGIVENESS and His HEALING POWER! Rest in Peace Mrs. Ruth Ann Smith. She was a mean lady but she was ALWAYS nice to us nicer to me and my brother's than my paternal grandmother.

Love Jones

2005-10-06T11:47:00.000-07:00

This is one of my favorite pieces of art...I love it! The name of this piece is Love Jones... it's one of the least expensive pieces in this artist's collection but still too expensive for me right now. Maybe I'll get it for myself for Christmas. Isn't it beautiful, everytime I see this picture that song Love Jones start playing in my head and a certain someone comes to mind. "It's you, It's you It's you It's you nothing else seems to matter, you make me helpless can't stand those times when you are gone, I just can't help itttttttttt uh oh We gotta love joneeeeeeessss! I can't sing but I love the song, the picture and the certain someone who comes to mind.